b3ta.com user Professor Kenny Martin
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a member for many years, many months, and some days

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Evening board!
How are we all today? I'm just going to leave this here...

(Thu 8th Sep 2011, 20:39, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Caught!

The lovely Jessie was always pretending to spot something behind me...
...and using the distraction to steal some of my food/sweets/beer/whatever.

It was a standing joke between us, mainly because I always fell for it.

One Sunday we were in a Chinese restaurant, and she suddenly exclaimed "Ah, that's why those fish look weird, they're sucker fish!"

I craned my neck and looked at the fish tank. Unable to see any "sucker fish" and also hurting my neck from the angle, I swivelled round on my seat.

"I can't see any su..." my words died off as I turned back round just in time to see Jess giggling like a loon and dropping the scalding hot Szechuan king prawn she'd just stolen, not realising that it was going to burn her mouth.

We laughed lots at that... I realise it's lost something in the retelling.

Fuck I miss her...
(Mon 7th Jun 2010, 18:56, More)

» Bedroom Disasters

Cancer of the colon
One of my friends - let’s call him Barry, is a funny bloke, not bad looking, but really shy around girls and was single for a long time. He got a new girlfriend and things progressed to spending quite a lot of time at each others’ place.

One night, Barry and his new girlfriend were lying in bed together, about to turn out the light. Barry plucked up all his courage and told her the thing he’d being thinking all day.

“I… I think I love you”

She looked at him. He swallowed nervously; had he messed everything up?

“I think I love you too” she replied. Barry’s heart leapt! Hooray! He hadn’t frightened her off! Turning over to turn out the light, he plucked up just a tiny bit more courage and said “Actually, I don’t think: I do”

She went quiet and they lay awkwardly in the darkness. Barry’s mind raced; had he ruined everything after all? Come on too strong?

The following morning was a little strained, then that evening after work he plucked up yet more courage and asked her the question he was dreading: “What happened last night? I told you that I love you and you went all quiet”

Whereupon his girlfriend flew into his arms, showered him with kisses and explained that what she’d heard was subtly but importantly different to what he’d meant:

“I think I love you”
“I think I love you too”
“Actually, I don’t think I do”




No apologies for length – it just looks longer coz of the line breaks – and I’m not apologising for them either. You love it
(Fri 24th Jun 2011, 13:50, More)

» Faking it

A few years ago I worked for about 10 months in a sales office in Coventry...
All the time I was there I told everyone that I didn't like cheese.

Then one day while the manager (who, it has to be said, was a horrible woman) was out and I was really hungry I stole her cheese from the fridge and ate it. When she came back she understandably was pissed off that someone had stolen her cheese and gave everyone a hard time about it...

...except for me, because she knew I didn't like cheese \o/
(Fri 11th Jul 2008, 16:05, More)

» Stuff I've found

I found my family
My mum and dad split up when i was but a mere 1-year old.

For a variety of reasons which I won't go into here my dad was unable to keep in touch, and so it came to pass that I told my mum I wanted to find him. We agreed that I would wait until I was 16, and then she'd help me.

So, come my 16th birthday I set about finding my dad. It didn't take long, but it was quite strange to find that a 16-year old wannabe guitarist studying computer-related GCSEs found that his 15 year estranged dad was working in London as in IT contractor and had been known to spend the odd evening at the pub with a guitar, playing and singing.

Part 2 of the story is that not very long after I got back in touch my mum and dad met up for a drink and chat about old times, only to find that the spark hadn't died and there was an instant "click" when they saw each other again... they're married* now and made for each other \o/

*getting married btw involved them both getting divorced from their respective partners first; it was a long and rocky journey...
(Mon 10th Nov 2008, 10:41, More)

» Waste of money

I've ordered a custom guitar
It's going to take about a year to build, but when it's done it'll look something like this:

The artwork is from q4nobody's amazing gif. For those of you who don't know, the girl in the picture is Jessie...

It'll be the most expensive thing I own apart from my house... waste of money? No fucking way (although I bet Jess would disagree with me!)
(Mon 4th Oct 2010, 12:44, More)
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