b3ta.com user harmless kitty
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» Kids

kids are geniuses at lyrics
I play music, mostly for grown folks but sometimes for kiddies. One day, we were playing "Down By The Bay" at a day camp and got kids to fill in the "did you ever see a such-and-such, such-and-suching a such-and-such" part (you know what I mean).
One very excited boy said: "Did you ever see EYES?? .... wearing... PANTS!?!" after which he looked both confused and supremely satisfied. Another boy answered with a long and rambling story about having seen a turtle on somebody's lawn one time. Brilliant. :)
(Sat 19th Apr 2008, 5:47, More)

» Essential Items

a big list of clever replies

..but i lost it, obviously.
(Mon 31st Oct 2005, 23:50, More)

» I'm an expert

when i first figured out how to do it, i swore i'd never walk normally again.
(Sun 26th Jun 2005, 8:42, More)

» Phobias

ear cleaning death.
I break out in sweat every time I clean my ears, certain that some sudden, loud noise will surprise me at the wrong moment, and cause me to jerk violently, thereby lodging my cleaning utensil of choice into some horrifically painful and damaging region of the ear canal (or, indeed, brain).

And so I find myself running through long lists of possible disasters, standing there in the bathroom, reasoning that, should any of them occur whilst I'm scraping around in the deeper areas, I will be prepared, and not accidentally puncture anything by reacting. Gunshots? No problem. Fire alarm? No problem. Explosion? War breaking out in front of my house? Cat fight? Ghost? Alien invasion? Spontaneous human combustion? All fully expected. And, with all of these events solidly, hypothetically very possible according to my brain, I hope to heaven that I will put down my q-tip with heroic calm before doing anything else.
(Tue 15th Apr 2008, 7:21, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

alls i got.
Q: what do you call a man with his arm up a horse's bum?

A: an amish mechanic.

note: definitely not the world's sickest joke, just involves horse anatomy. oh, well..
(Wed 7th Dec 2005, 7:03, More)
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