» Evil Pranks

It was me who was pranked
Many moons ago I worked for a mortgage company cold calling people. (yes I have my ticket to Hull booked)

I got one particular sheet and did the normal speel expecting a knock back, but no Mr J was interested.

I explained what we could do, or I nearly did.

His nipper was crying, his wife was out. Could I ring back in a couple of nights time.

No probs. Call back booked.

Rang back at the allloted time, cut to the quick. He remembers me, sound. Start the speel. Oh the take away has just arrived. Can I call back.

I smell a sale. I agree.

I rang this couple 3 times a week for 3 and half months. Spoke to Mr and Mrs J or sometimes baby sitter (who sounded suspiciously like Mrs J) everytime a new excuse.

I had to keep copious notes and they never used the same excuse twice. It became a joy to ring them for a new excuse :

pizza in oven burning
washing machine flooding kitchen
and on and on

It became a battle of wills. Not once did they re-use an excuse. On my last night I rang them and congratulated them on their ingenuity, and told them I had wiped any details of them from the records so they could start again.

They laughed heartily and as far as I know are still scamming the same bunch of cold callers.

Evil? Evil genius I'd say.
(Wed 19th Dec 2007, 0:59, More)

» Abusing freebies

Many moons ago
I was the buyer for a chain of 6 or 7 computer stores based in the North West of England. We advertised far and wide and at the time was about the same size as Evilsham Psychos, who I ended up working for (but that matters not)

I was invited to a conference in Edinburgh to see their new software on demand (SOD - hmmm)system. This was basically a vending machine that produced copies of the latest Atari ST and Amiga software as and when customers wanted it.

Booked into the hotel and was informed that the entire cost of my stay would be met by the company organising the overnight stay.

To coin a phrase used by another B3tan "Result!"

Spent the afternoon emptying the mini bar.

Off to the presentation. Doze through that and then off to the buffet and after to the bar. Now this is back in the day when a guy in a suit, but who has dreadlocks and facial peircings was a tad unusual, but one of the salesmen decided I was cool and with me putting out for the new system he gives me his room number to charge my drinks to, and then retires.

I became to the focus of events for the rest of the night. We drank Heavy, we drank brandy, we drank anything we damn well felt like until a 3am there was two of us left slurring. Me and a fat gut (sic. meant guy) who ran one shop in some back water.

He offered to double my salary if I cut my dreads off because they "sent out the wrong signals". I told him I'd accept if he dropped 5 stone. He became abusive at this suggestion.

I met the salesman the next morning over a green faced breakfast, and admitted that we were unlikely to take the system on. He then admitted that he was unlikely to carry on working for the company because he thought the product was shite, but had given me his tab because it would nmake it look like he was working the customers. So double whammy abuse.

The trip home to Liverpool was uncomfortable. Length - click here
(Wed 14th Nov 2007, 0:18, More)

» Evil Pranks

Oh! and Goatpod
I still remember the day U and Phill nearly let me go home with 666 on one cheek, a swastika on the other. and I LOVE GAY SEX on my forehead in permanent marker.

Not that I hold grudge...
(Wed 19th Dec 2007, 1:10, More)

» Abusing freebies

Whilst at the Psychos (see previous)
I had a supplier. I won't mention them because Gav still works there.

Gav would ring me when he had a product that would earn him extra cash. I would buy said product in larger than normal quantities but on a delayed delivery.

Shorlty before delivery I would cancel the order. Gav still got the cash.

Every 3 months or so I would journey to London and spend a weekend down there. I would pay my train but after that the Coke (not cola) the Champaign (sic) and the gig usually at Brixton Academy would be for free. I wouldnoy put my hand in my pocket all weekend.

He had a mate, Johnny, who would drive us around. He was a great guy - apart from the one time he decided to set me alight because I had passed out. I woke up. They put the flames out, and offered me more of the same.

Ah Happy Days.
(Wed 14th Nov 2007, 0:25, More)