b3ta.com user samurai_beth
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» Babysitters

the werechild...
My partner's youngest brother, Sam, was only about 2 and a half at the time. His mother hated our binge drinking, especially when we were supposed to be babysitting for her. We woke up just before she left and as soon as her car was off the drive we went to the fridge to recover the cans of cider we hadn't drank the night before, whilst Sam toddled off. When we found they were gone we began madly counting the empty tins out of the recycling to see if we should have had any remaining from the crate. We desperately realised that there should have been about 8 cans left, but we couldn't find them anywhere. Then out of the blue Sam came to the rescue, he tottered back in wielding a can of cider in each hand. Then proceeded to dutifully deliver the rest. His mum had obviously hidden them in an effort to stop us getting drunk, but Sam had seen where she had put them, we still to this day don't have a clue where he found them. He's since saved us from many a dry night. Makes you wonder who is baby sitting who.

Cheers Sam :)

P.S We nicknamed him the werechild because he has an extremely hairy back. And he attacks the postman on a regular basis. He bit him once.
(Wed 3rd Nov 2010, 12:05, More)

» Little Victories

An average lovers spat
Well, this is possibly the most pathetic argument ever to arise in the history of mankind and so petty that I only remember what it was about for its pettyness.

It was about if a burger uncooked was called a "patty" or not.

This turned into an insanely intense fight, my husband firmly shouting that it was called a patty when uncooked and me saying it was just a raw burger. This soon brought up kinds of things from the past, money troubles and anything else would could use as ammo. Throw in some cheap insults for good messure and drag on through the entire night with no sleep and you soon get the picture.

So it gets to about 6am and he continues shouting and leaning into my face and I obviously shout back, till we are inches a part and I say "if you dont get out of my face I'm going to hit you!"

He replies with "if you do it will be the last time you ever do!"

to which I retort in a matter-of-factly tone "..... not if I hit you twice."

End of argument, cue laughter.

I'm still pleased at winning this argument even now :)
If anybody can tell me whether it's a patty or raw burger I will be eternally grateful. And if after you don't see me post again it's probably because one of us is in jail.
(Sat 12th Feb 2011, 3:27, More)

» What nonsense did you believe in as a kid?

missing people on milk cartons
As a child I went to a typical school, the kind that although claiming to be an atheist school insists on reading from the bible and telling the kids all about god. At 4 or 5 years old I didnt really understand it much but used to listen to the stories sat on the floor in the school hall every morning in assembly. We also had the typical lectures about what to do if you were ever seperated from your mum, got lost or something.
I was walking down the street with my mum and I asked her "Why do some people go to church?" and she replied "to find God"... That was it, I was convinced god was missing and we should all be out looking for him. For the following 3 or 4 months I kept a constant vigilant for god, and closely watched any beardy man that happened to be in the street/local shop.
(Thu 19th Jan 2012, 18:57, More)

» Pubs

2 goths walk into a bar....
ok, so it was one goth and one very dear old lady. (me beloved grandmother)
so, we walk into this bar already both rather inhebriated, as we did this every monday and had done for 6 months. only this particular monday, we had met one of my grandmothers friends. we had, as a group, chosen to venture to a pub we did not usually frequent.
we walked through the doors and entered the main lounge where mainly elderly men sat, you know the types, with that stench of ale and park drive cigarettes. we approach the bar, as is customary in pubs.
its my round so i delve into my pocket, produce some money and say "half a larger, half of mild and half of bitter please" to the barkeeper, who clearly has some kind of condition. his arm fell limply by his side and he was only about 4foot tall. he looked like he had just walked off the set to Night Of The Living Dead. his eyes buldging behind is massive glasses.
to which the barkeep replies "we dont serve your type in here"
bemused, gob smacked i look at my grandmother. i stand there weighing in at 8 stone nothing, with my backcombed purple and green death hawk of hair, in my all black etire, aged only 18.

To this my grandmother replies "a half of larger a half of mild and a half of bitter"
and again, service was declined.
at which point, its fair to say my grandmother flipped, i had never seen the woman who used to feed me on a diet of cake and ribina milkshake (yes YUK) act in such a way.
She started by swearing, ALOT. this was followed by comments like "I dont know how a man who cant move his head from a fecking 30degree angle can refuse survice to anybody. You look like a zombie" and with this she sauntered from the pub. while shouting "maybe you have epilepsy, if i turn the light on and off enough, maybe will you show us how to jitterbug?!" i left trotting closely behind her. *sighs*
i know, i know, you all want to know more about the ribina milkshake... but eh. Go try it for yourselves. WARNING dont give it to kids, its vomit inducing.

ok, i have been informed i must say more, about the ribina.. now you use sterilized milk... AND its a taste you will never forget. though you will want to... ^__^ enjoy
(Mon 9th Feb 2009, 11:10, More)

» Celebrities part II

Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen hit me in the face once... thats it really
(Sun 11th Oct 2009, 16:54, More)
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