» Toilets

What the cock is that?
Been out celebrating a mate's birthday in Turkey then have to go to Dalaman airport. I'm suffering from mild food poisoning. Get to the airport and have an urgent message from the dumpster.

I barge into the "toilets" and see a line of 5 cubicles. Aha! Locked, locked, locked. locked. Aha! One not in use. Expecting to see a white bog I see a hole in the ground. I'm drunk so initially think someone has stolen the bog. But I think "fuck it - I need this". So I squat with one hand holding the door closed and the other moving my trousers and cacks out of the way. Bliss.

After a few minutes I decide to look at what I've delivered. I look down and see a piece of chicken. Oh good, I think. Better out than in. Then I look again. Chicken? Out of my arse? Is that normal? I'm squat there, drunk, getting cramp and losing balance trying to work out if shitting chicken is normal.

Turns out it was actually a piece of tissue I'd put between my arse cheeks to stop them chafing from the ring-sting.

I fell asleep on the plane and while relaxed I leaked a nugget. I cleaned up in the toilet but the smell was still there. Luckily I was sat next to some old people and every time someone walked past and noticed the smell, I'd look at the old people and give a disgusted look.

Safe!
(Fri 2nd Sep 2005, 17:12, More)

» Injured Siblings

Cousin rivalry
Although my sister did stab me in the face (not arse) cheek with a pen when I was 5, leaving a dimple to this day, we did do a number on our cousins.

They were both male, about 15 and have to better than the other. We get fed up of this over the years and decide the ultimate contest - who has the biggest cock? It takes some convincing by my sister and they have to be erect. Some hand slaps by them both later, they present. But my sister has a surprise for both of them - as they're proudly stood to attention, she showers the specimens with Brut 33. Then we watched an unexpected contest - who could get to the sink first with their burning member? Eeejits...
(Fri 19th Aug 2005, 16:41, More)

» The passive-aggressive guilt trip

Indecisiveness
Trying to persuade a girl-friend to come stay over with me on Friday night.

Monday: Yes, would love to.
Tuesday: Umm... maybe it's not a good idea.
Wednesday: Sure. Looking forward to it.
Thursday: I can't really.

So make arrangements with other mates.

Friday: "I'm really annoyed with you. You know I wanted to come down. Can't you cancel your other mates? What if I offer you sex?".
(Sat 15th Oct 2005, 17:08, More)

» Stupid Tourists

"Do you have any more Henges in England?"
Yep, American.
(Fri 8th Jul 2005, 19:51, More)