b3ta.com user kna
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I ought to put something in here..

Recent front page messages:

Shop a Kitten?
Not just *any* kitten, my brand new kitty which we picked up today. He's already started making himself useful.

EDIT: My first FP!! Yaaaay.. today is extra fluffy. Thank you.
(Sat 10th Apr 2004, 13:45, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Weddings

Well, my wedding..
Firstly, when the bride got out of the car, her dress caught in the door, ripping it away. Then there was a sudden gust of wind which blew everyone's hats off.

In the church the vicar sneezed and wiped it on his robe, before blessing me and having to wipe the gel off on it as well. Just after that the best man passed out knocking the candles over setting fire to the altar, and when he asked "Does anyone have any just cause.." a small kid dancing up the aisle shouted "I NEED A POO!"

When we had the photographs taken, I fell over carrying my wife, whilst the photographers wig blew off and he fell in the river.

During the reception, the father of the bride sat back and missed the chair the waiter had moved away from him, causing the maid of honour to drop the shatterable present she was carrying. As we went to cut the cake, the guy bringing it over tripped and fell face first in it and so I picked a bit up and wiped it in my wife's face.

Finally during the disco, two of the young kids dancing kissed eachother before being unceremoniously kicked down by an over-zealous uncle and right during the best part of 'Come on Eileen' granny accidentally tripped over a bit when her knickers fell down.

I ought to send the video into You've Been Framed.
(Thu 14th Jul 2005, 16:00, More)

» Hidden Treasure

Hotel Porn
We all know hotel porn is the best find ever and I have a pretty good success ratio. This cumulated in being in a hotel in London with my wife, whereby she was staring at me frantically searching the hotel room.

"What are you doing?"
"Looking for porn."
"Oh come on, what's the chances of someone leaving a porn mag in here?"

At which point I magically produced a mint copy of Fiesta from underneath the drawers. After several minutes of parading about going "HAHAHA!!" I disappeared into the bathroom with a smug look on my face. Even though I was offered sex, it 'defeated the point of finding it' clearly.
(Mon 4th Jul 2005, 13:12, More)

» That's when I knew it was over...

I knew it was over..
..when she said to her husband, "Steve, I think there's someone taking photos through the window."
(Thu 21st Jul 2005, 17:00, More)

» Accidental innuendo

Sexy Balls and Childrens TV
My 3 year old daughter burst in to the living room saying she wanted "Sexy Balls". The discussion ended with us still convinced she was asking for Sexy Balls, until we nervously asked her to show us what she meant.

We went through everything on CBeebies until we heard her say "That's it!" and started watching "64 Zoo Lane"... as she began singing "Sexy Balls, Sexy Balls, Sexy Balls, Zoo Lane!"
(Fri 13th Jun 2008, 7:19, More)

» Voyeurism

The shame
I was about 15 and I used to watch my two next door neighbours (18 and 20) sunbathe topless in their garden from my window.. and whack off.

And I used to watch their mum doing the same.. and whack off.

Come on, I was 15!
(Sat 13th Oct 2007, 16:54, More)
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