b3ta.com user ChairmanMiaow
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I guess I've been b3tan long (and hard) enough that i really ought to stick something in here, so here goes...

I know nothing about web design but I can make gifs and use tattyshop ok. ..
I have a banjo which I can't play so if anyone has any hints...yeah, I know, practice helps, but I'm looking for the magic-bullet-virtuoso-in-a-day kind of easy-fix thing. humour me here...

Here's some stuff i made: Sorry -links broken right now :( i will fix this at some point...

Nazi Coke post

Here's my friend's cat Charlie. He's very big but not this violent

here's bert

Grammar God!
You are a GRAMMAR GOD!

If your mission in life is not already to
preserve the English tongue, it should be.
Congratulations and thank you!

I always suspected I was a pedant, now I know...

Recent front page messages:


Best answers to questions:

» When animals attack...

penguin attack!
I have indeed been attacked by a penguin. I was 5 and it pecked me through the fence at London Zoo. It drew blood too, the tuxedo-sporting fish-breathed little fucker!
I have no fear of penguins any more - following years of b3ta therapy and only a couple of incidents at black tie parties.
(Tue 7th Jun 2005, 10:49, More)

» Stuff You've Overheard

walking through the office with my morning coffee one minute ago...
"...can we stop talking about spit roasts?"
(Fri 11th Jun 2004, 9:46, More)

» Inventions You're Too Lazy To Make

screen your customers
How about a customer reference agency? Like a credit reference, but instead of telling you if they can pay, it'd tell you whether or not new customers were going to spend hardly any money and be a complete pain in the arse and phone/write to you all the time with idiotic questions, costing your business a fortune.
(Thu 8th Apr 2004, 14:32, More)

» Shit Claims to Fame II

A friend's ex dumped him for James Blunt.
(Fri 21st Sep 2012, 9:18, More)

» Toilets

almost nicked...
Back at uni in Sheffield, my mate Rhys and I were just on our way home after a couple of pints when we decided we should head for Stomp (an indie night we used to go to most weeks). I'm busting for a piss so I say that I need to nip home and use the loo. Rhys in his wisdom explains that the 10 yard walk to the house and back again will eat into our drinking time and that I should have a piss right there on the street. Unable to overcome the logic of this argument, I proceed to whip it out and begin merrily watering one of the local trees. At which moment a cop car pulls up in front of us and I get the whole 'how would you like it if it were your house' lecture, to which I wonder whether it'd be a good idea to point and say 'this is our house' but decide against it...Luckily the cops decide they've got better things to do and after a few more stern words they disappear. Only to stop us again later that night on our way home again when this time it's my mate taking a leek and they fine him £50. Hehe!
(Tue 6th Sep 2005, 13:54, More)
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