Profile for Coomy:
It's what you get when you look at me sideways
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- a member for 20 years, 5 months and 29 days
- has posted 17 messages on the main board
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- has posted 7 stories and 0 replies on question of the week
- They liked 2 pictures, 0 links, 0 talk posts, and 6 qotw answers.
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It's what you get when you look at me sideways
Recent front page messages:
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Best answers to questions:
» It's not me, it's the drugs talking
Friend becomes taxi-man
A friend rings me relatively early on in the night and all he can hear is me shouting at a bunch of scumbags, then shouting at him to get here quick and meet me at the nearest Abrakebabra (Dublin kebab chain). No drugs taken, but I've been drinking for hours and am clearly off me nuts.
For my safety, he agrees to come pick me up.
When he arrives he calls again, and I proceed to abuse him down the phone for not having a kebab ready and waiting, even though I've been at Abra for nigh on 15 minutes.
After much negotiation, I get in the passenger seat so he can drive me home. After 5 minutes of a 15-minute journey, I've completely forgotten who my friend is and assume I'm in a taxi, so I start giving him directions back to my house.
He plays along, trying to take lots of wrong turns and laughing hysterically. When we reach my house, I ask 'Right, what's the damage, mate?' and he responds by pointing at the clock on the dashboard, saying: 'That'll be 11.47, pal.'
I pat my pockets, look with deepest honesty into his eyes and say 'I'm going to have to owe you that, alright?' I try to make my escape via the back seat, and in doing so, become wedged in the gap between the driver and passenger seats with my drunken arse pointing forwards.
(Mon 19th Dec 2005, 11:21, More)
Friend becomes taxi-man
A friend rings me relatively early on in the night and all he can hear is me shouting at a bunch of scumbags, then shouting at him to get here quick and meet me at the nearest Abrakebabra (Dublin kebab chain). No drugs taken, but I've been drinking for hours and am clearly off me nuts.
For my safety, he agrees to come pick me up.
When he arrives he calls again, and I proceed to abuse him down the phone for not having a kebab ready and waiting, even though I've been at Abra for nigh on 15 minutes.
After much negotiation, I get in the passenger seat so he can drive me home. After 5 minutes of a 15-minute journey, I've completely forgotten who my friend is and assume I'm in a taxi, so I start giving him directions back to my house.
He plays along, trying to take lots of wrong turns and laughing hysterically. When we reach my house, I ask 'Right, what's the damage, mate?' and he responds by pointing at the clock on the dashboard, saying: 'That'll be 11.47, pal.'
I pat my pockets, look with deepest honesty into his eyes and say 'I'm going to have to owe you that, alright?' I try to make my escape via the back seat, and in doing so, become wedged in the gap between the driver and passenger seats with my drunken arse pointing forwards.
(Mon 19th Dec 2005, 11:21, More)
» Injured Siblings
Went to give my sister a dead arm, aged 10
I was a master at this. It was going to be a good one, I could feel it.
She ducked.
I hit her temple.
She was concussed.
That'll learn her.
(Thu 18th Aug 2005, 16:55, More)
Went to give my sister a dead arm, aged 10
I was a master at this. It was going to be a good one, I could feel it.
She ducked.
I hit her temple.
She was concussed.
That'll learn her.
(Thu 18th Aug 2005, 16:55, More)
» Teenage Poetry
This is long but bloody funny
WRITTEN TO PISS OFF A FRIEND WHO WAS VERY HOMOPHOBIC AT THE TIME (RORY FITZ)
In hindsight it's more than a tad un-PC but hell, it was the nineties, man........
Rory woke one sunny morn, to think about why he was born,
"Is my life a one-way street, or can I dance to a different beat?"
He pondered on his destiny, and what his life was meant to be
Should he be happy with what he's given, or should he try to do more livin?
"Each day I'll try out something new", And that's what he set out to do
He looked back on his life so far, Soccer, birds, time at the bar.
Humdrum it was, becoming lazy, "It's time I got a little crazy"
I've scored some chicks, I've had a laugh, it's time to walk a different path"
And so on this momentous day, Rory decided he'd be gay.
It was a major lifestyle swing, coz packing fudge was not his thing.
"George Michael, Prince, and Elton John will be my lords, I'll sing their songs.
I'll hang around with boys in frocks, and suck on many drag-queens' cocks"
He danced in clubs, YMCA, and fell in love with being gay
"Queers are great, they're so much fun, I even like the taste of cum!!"
After a month, at last, at last, he took his first man up the ass.
His partner's cock, to big to measure, filled Rory with ENORMOUS pleasure
"I am in love!" he screamed in pain, as Nigel shafted him again.
He and Nigel spent an hour, getting horny in the shower.
His new life began to take its toll, on Rory's little dainty hole
His ring was raw, each night he bled from having orgies in his bed
Too many men, too hard, too fast, had ruptured membranes in his ass
Truly buggered, what could he do? One more knob and he was through.
He was so sad, he cried and cried (he'd loved the feel of men inside)
And that's the story of Rory Fitz, who winces every time he shits
His life is ruined, his ring in shreds
and, having Aids, he'll soon be dead.
(Fri 12th Aug 2005, 19:04, More)
This is long but bloody funny
WRITTEN TO PISS OFF A FRIEND WHO WAS VERY HOMOPHOBIC AT THE TIME (RORY FITZ)
In hindsight it's more than a tad un-PC but hell, it was the nineties, man........
Rory woke one sunny morn, to think about why he was born,
"Is my life a one-way street, or can I dance to a different beat?"
He pondered on his destiny, and what his life was meant to be
Should he be happy with what he's given, or should he try to do more livin?
"Each day I'll try out something new", And that's what he set out to do
He looked back on his life so far, Soccer, birds, time at the bar.
Humdrum it was, becoming lazy, "It's time I got a little crazy"
I've scored some chicks, I've had a laugh, it's time to walk a different path"
And so on this momentous day, Rory decided he'd be gay.
It was a major lifestyle swing, coz packing fudge was not his thing.
"George Michael, Prince, and Elton John will be my lords, I'll sing their songs.
I'll hang around with boys in frocks, and suck on many drag-queens' cocks"
He danced in clubs, YMCA, and fell in love with being gay
"Queers are great, they're so much fun, I even like the taste of cum!!"
After a month, at last, at last, he took his first man up the ass.
His partner's cock, to big to measure, filled Rory with ENORMOUS pleasure
"I am in love!" he screamed in pain, as Nigel shafted him again.
He and Nigel spent an hour, getting horny in the shower.
His new life began to take its toll, on Rory's little dainty hole
His ring was raw, each night he bled from having orgies in his bed
Too many men, too hard, too fast, had ruptured membranes in his ass
Truly buggered, what could he do? One more knob and he was through.
He was so sad, he cried and cried (he'd loved the feel of men inside)
And that's the story of Rory Fitz, who winces every time he shits
His life is ruined, his ring in shreds
and, having Aids, he'll soon be dead.
(Fri 12th Aug 2005, 19:04, More)
» Walkman Flashbacks
You can keep your hat on
Reminds me of doing a prolonged and well-received striptease in a packed underground bar in Toulouse. My first experience of complete public nudity.
Needless to say, I went the Full Monty.
(Thu 24th Mar 2005, 17:02, More)
You can keep your hat on
Reminds me of doing a prolonged and well-received striptease in a packed underground bar in Toulouse. My first experience of complete public nudity.
Needless to say, I went the Full Monty.
(Thu 24th Mar 2005, 17:02, More)
» Petty Sabotage
We got shafted on a boat lottery
at a student World Championships. Everyone else in the competition was given brand spanking new boats to sail, and we got a 7-year old shitbox that broke down constantly.
So when the event was over, and we were all as bitter as bejaysis, we undid most of the bolts on the lifelines to the very last thread and hid as much humming French brie below decks as we possibly could. Whoever sailed that pig next got a stinky contraption, and would have ended up in the piss when they tried to sit out.
(Thu 5th May 2005, 9:08, More)
We got shafted on a boat lottery
at a student World Championships. Everyone else in the competition was given brand spanking new boats to sail, and we got a 7-year old shitbox that broke down constantly.
So when the event was over, and we were all as bitter as bejaysis, we undid most of the bolts on the lifelines to the very last thread and hid as much humming French brie below decks as we possibly could. Whoever sailed that pig next got a stinky contraption, and would have ended up in the piss when they tried to sit out.
(Thu 5th May 2005, 9:08, More)