» Misunderstood

Pilot error, very expensive
"Full power, 65kts, V1, engine T's and P's steady" the co-pilot tells me, "75kts, V2, T's and P's look good" and now I'm waiting for the '90 kts, rotate' call, but glancing over at him, he looks sad and not overly alert.
"Cheer up" I tell him. He automatically reaches over and pulls the undercarriage leaver up, followed by about 15 seconds of rapid and heart renching desceleration, grinding metal, sparks and ear splitting noise. Air accident investigation's conclusion. "Cheers up" and "Gear up" sound similar. No Shit.
(Sat 8th Oct 2005, 15:37, More)

» Your Revenge Stories

Really mean but
I lived in Antigua in the West Indies, and some of the locals are somewhat 'homophobic'. After an evening of drinking rum at a beach bar, my mates and I were giving a local guy a ride back to his village. He had drunk a lot of rum, and had been verbally insulting a group of (quite obviously) gay tourinsts at a local night club. A few puffs on a joint and he was comatose in the back seat. The plot was hatched for a lesson he wouldn't forget in a hurry.

We laid him out on his front on the beach, pulled his trousers half way down his legs, and using a pen, inserted a condom (with some suntan cream in it) a few inches into his anus. We left him there.
(Fri 14th May 2004, 6:07, More)

» The last thing that made me cry

You are all lucky bastards,
I can't cry, much as I need to have a massive old blubber. My wife who was my childhood sweetheart was raped and murdered some ten years ago now. I was also badly beaten up, and was left to bring up our child. I miss her more painfully every day of every week of every year, and can't even think of starting a new relationship. I think, if only I could, cry, if only I could purge myself through tears and a huge show of emotion- - - - still, gotta laugh at some of this B3ta stuff, thanks.
(Fri 15th Apr 2005, 7:04, More)

» Useless Information

Did you know that- - - - -
by inputting letters only on your keyboard starting from the bottom left, you end up with:
mnbvcxzlkjhgfdsapoiuytrewq.
Also, I just farted.
(Fri 18th Mar 2005, 2:31, More)

» Mini Cabs From Hell

Mean cow
I was driving a mini-cab between jobs in the mid-eighties (I was an out of work pilot). This lady needed to get to Olympia Showgrounds in a hurry. Bad traffic around Shepperd's Bush, so I pull over to check the A-Z for a shortcut. She thought I didn't know the way, jumped out of my car and dissapeared towards a black cab rank. Well no problem, I knew where she lived. So I bought superglue and glued her house lock up, and reported her to the police for jumping out of my cab and she owed me around £6:00. The police were sympathetic towards me (being a professional trying to make ends meet), and issued her with a warning, and I left her a note telling her I was going to the petty claims court. She tried to convince the police that I had glued her lock and should be done for petty damages. They said there was no evidence, and advised her to settle out of court, which she did with a cheque for £10. I returned the cheque to her, with a note to say that 'if she was ever stuck, and needed a cab, call me on - - - - - - -'.
(Thu 27th May 2004, 5:04, More)