b3ta.com user poodleseatnoodles
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I like Pob, adam and jo, spam ,jam, ham, kittens, bt3a, monkey spunk mopeds, big baps, flaps, flapjacks, twizzlers, twinkys, mongos, digbys and spazmos.

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» Lies Your Parents Told You

Lies your parents told you
We used to drive past a sub power station on the way home. My dad convinced me that Dr Who lived there, and if he was ever attacked by Daleks the only sure fire way to kill them was to lift up their (helmets?) and pour hot tea down inside. Of course in the holidays I made a flask of tea and went down there looking for Daleks....Bastads.
(Wed 14th Jan 2004, 18:56, More)

» Worst Nicknames Ever

Spooner - mum hits cocks with wooden spoon
A schoolfriend of mine informs me that his mum works with "special needs" young adults including bathing them. If a young lad get a boner whilst bathing , the mum hits said lads cock with wooden spoon to discourage him. I asked my friend if his mum does the same with him and he replies yes,of course, doesn't your mum? This reply catapults my friend into urban myth - "Spooner".
(Fri 19th May 2006, 22:36, More)

» Injured Siblings

Monkey Pie - emotional brutality
Her cruddy toy monkey from holiday on spain really got on my tits. (you know those crappy ones in the late 1970's?). She really adored it which was her downfall, I cut it up, arms legs,head and torso and cooked it in a pot with all the culinary imagination a twelve year has - tomatoe sauce,beans,frazzles and some spangles. I'd pay anything to have a photo of her reaction.
(Tue 23rd Aug 2005, 20:18, More)

» Your Revenge Stories

Cruel & inventive revenge
Girlfriend moves into parents home.Later I decide to finish with girlfriend. She won't move out. Best mate decides to start going out with my ex- girlfriend.Stupid Slag.

So by now I can't stand her and want to get rid of her so I plan my fiendish revenge which includes: Crumbling biscuits in her bed so she cant sleep, Putting all of her clothes out in the bins and waking her just as the bin men turn up,Changing her name on the electoral register to "clinging leach". Is that over the top? I don't know but shortly afterwards she moved out.Sweet.
(Fri 14th May 2004, 13:40, More)

» Hotel Splendido

Bogeys on wall
Drove around 200 miles for first and last ever trip to Blackpool. Eventually found B& B to stay in, paid in advance and hit the town a look around. Returned to the room for the night and noticed green/brown marks all over the wall over the bed. Clearly the previous occupant(s) had decided to wipe bogeys all over the wall - some fresher than others. If the B&B owner does not bother to wipe bogeys off the wall, how clean is the rest of the room? Drove back home without staying.
(Thu 17th Jan 2008, 22:30, More)
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