b3ta.com user Dangermouse.
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» Have you ever seen a dead body?

Goodbyes, nasty discoverys and fond farewells.
My first one was my old Nan, an unpleasant woman with a deep-rooted spiteful streak running as deep as the nicotine stain on her lungs. She managed to make the life of a young me really quite unpleasant for many years as she had been brought to live with us when she was taken ill during the end of my single-digit ages and lasted until I was 12. At least she managed to die during the night, without making a big fuss.

The next one was a colleague, I was walking into work at a Surrey golf club when I chanced upon the wreckage of a car, VERY freshly crashed, one wheel still spinning etc… and the (now very deceased) driver literally in pieces on the road. Phoned plod, waited by the wreck and so on, answered their questions and managed to identify the body for them. Then walked into work late and told them “[name] won’t be coming in today….sorry”. I had no way of knowing his girlfriend was standing just out of sight, and I was quite surprised to hear someone run off screaming with grief as I made the announcement. Sorry Cheryl, never meant you to find out like that.

One ex-colleague was found floating in the Thames one day, and had my business card in his wallet and I was asked by police to do the formal identification, and they forgot to mention what a drowned body smells like in the high summer. Remember, depression is fun, kids.

Most recent was my Dad, (d.1999). In a side room, in a Wiltshire hospital, they had him on monitors and a morphine driver as pancreatic cancer and a MASSIVE stroke took their toll on him. On his last night, I sat up with him for 18 hours straight, never leaving his side, while further mini-strokes hit him and the pain flickered brief recognition on his eyelids and on the monitors by his side.
Finally in the wee hours of a Tuesday morning, around 4am, for the first time in 3 weeks, he opened his eyes. His expression was unfocussed, vacant and very resigned to his inevitable fate, but after a few moments, he managed to focus and seemed to recognise me for just long enough to croak the faint word “bye” before closing them again as they clouded over, for the last time. (The memory of that last look from him will always be with me, it was like looking directly into his soul as it took flight) The monitor by his bedside registered his passing with a single, mournful tone and a solid, unwavering flatline. Yes, I cried like a baby, and still get a tear in my eye and a lump in my throat when I remember it. Goodbye Dad. I still love and miss you greatly.
(Thu 28th Feb 2008, 14:38, More)

» Stuff I've found

I found £120 a few years ago in a pub carpark

and gave it all to the pub landlord.

bit by bit, at around £4.60 at a time
(Mon 10th Nov 2008, 14:54, More)

» What's the hardest you've tried to get dumped?

I got dumped by accident
by staying home and looking after the kids while she ran off to live with her boyfriend.

I think it was my continual cleaning, ironing and tidying up that must have hurt, as well as the gardening, decorating and general housework.

Perhaps my cooking was so truly awful.

Who knows?
(Mon 9th Jun 2008, 14:08, More)

» Tales of the Unexplained

.....And in the morning

All of their old noses had grown back!

(Wed 9th Jul 2008, 9:17, More)

» Embarrassing Injuries

DIY spacker
Cutting a worktop for the kitchen with powertools.
1) be careful and follow your marked lines etc
2) dont hold the wood all roung when drilling the pilot hole for the jigsaw
3) when you DO shove a spade drill through your hand, use your head and drop everything safely before trying to stem the torrent of blood gushing from your mangled palm with a too-small rag.
4) get someone else to phone for the ambo, it makes less mess of the phone.....
(Thu 2nd Sep 2004, 21:05, More)
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