b3ta.com user javier
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» World's Sickest Joke

Sorry about the crapness of these but...
here we go.
a young boy is in the car with his father. His father nearly hits someone and yells "Bastard!". The boys asks "Dad, what does bastard mean?" The father replys "Its another word for 'stranger' son". When they arrive home, the little boy finds his mother stuffing a turkey. She loses her watch and shouts "Fuck!" He asks her what the word fuck means. She answers "Its another word for 'stuff' son". SO the little boy wanders upstairs where his father is having a shave. He cuts himself and yells "Bollocks!". The young boy asks what bollocks means. The dad retorts "Its another word for 'chin' son". Suddenly there is a knock at the door. The little boy, full of newfound wisdom answers it. There are 2 policemen at the door. He greets them with
"Hello you bastards, dont worry my mothers fucking a turkey and my fathers shaving his bollocks"

Another one...
(this one is sick in itself without the punchline)

A teenager is asked by his mother to babysit for his little sister. She instructs him to go in the bath when she does to keep her company. She leaves whilst the teenager is telling his young sister about penises, but referring to them as "Sammy The Snake". When she returns, she finds the teenager, on the couch, with a towel around his manhood. She asks him whats wrong whe nhis sister arrives saying
"Well we were in the bath, when sammy squirted me"
"So..." said the mother
"So i bit his head off!"

Last one

A young mother is pregnant with triplets whe nshe is shot by a gunman. A few years down the road, her first born, a girl, comes in and says "Mum i just had a wee and a bullet came out". The mother is shcoked, and it is increased whe nher other daughter comes i nand says "mum iowas having a wee and a bullet came out". Then, the boy comes in looking pleased wit hhimself. "Dont tell me" the motjer says, "you had a wee and a bullet came out"
"No" , the boy says.
"I was having a wank and i shot the dog"
(Sun 12th Sep 2004, 15:28, More)

» Impromptu Games You Play

Aha i have some crackers
Not literal crackers that would just be stupid. Anyway, your playing cards. Somebody always loses right? Well what do you do to a loser? You SCAB them. Scabbing invloves the loser picking a card and having their knuckles scrapped that many times by each player. Black is a full blown scab, red is hit. And picture cards are worth 11(Jack), 12(Queen), 13(King) and 21(Ace). I still have the scars from before Christmas and it fucking hurts. Blood often drawn.

Another lovely knuckle ripping game invloves 2p pieces. Basically you flick 2p's at eveyone elses knuckles until they give in. Or you get down the bone.

Oooooh just remembered this one. A game involving teachers or unsuspecting members of the public. Based on the game 'Touch the Hutch', where a teacher called Mr Hutchinson got touched as amny times as he would allow before he realised the class were playing a game involving poking him. Our version was 'Poke the Pullan'. Bascially you need to touch someone as many times as possible in different places. Points are given for difficulty of getting away without arrest or ABH. Best move was my friend Reedkiller, he asked the teacher if he could explain something to him. The techer did and so Reed gave him a big bear hug in front of the whole class. Great fun.
(Thu 1st Apr 2004, 19:36, More)

» Local Nutters

i know lots of wierd people
most of them happen to be my friends. Scary thought that. Anyway, theres a guy who runs the local post office. He sells out of date chocolate, when you ask for skittles he says "SKITTLES? ARE THEY LIKE, FRUIT GUMS??!!". He also drove down the M1 for 2 miles the wrong way without even noticing. Silly sod.

my friend david, bless him, is a bit of a loony. He has the compulsive obsession with rabbi's. I mean the conversdation goes "We had a big rabbit in our garden dave". "Rabbi". "No, rabbit". "Rabbi". Yes David, rabbi. ANyway, this rabbit-" "Rabbi"

(surpressed rage)

Also, my firend told me he heard this guy in scarboro singing "you scrubbed your hairy minge and shaved of all your hair".

How odd.
(Mon 20th Sep 2004, 11:53, More)

» World's Most Hated Food

ive just remembered! Once we were having brocolli for dinner, which we grow ourselves. I had just gobbled up my fair share, when, cue my sister
"Dad what the fuck is this?"
cue dad
"I think its caterpillars"

I HAD JUST EATEN A LOAD OF DEAD, BOILED MAGGOT LIKE CREATURES! But no butterflies in my stomach after tho. -*tumbleweed*- yes im sorry it was an appauling joke.
(Wed 14th Jul 2004, 12:21, More)

» World's Most Hated Food

In tesco
they have some fruit juice named after a cartoon charatcer. From Winnie The Pooh. Now, its called Roo Juice, but you really know that they wanted to call it...
(Wed 14th Jul 2004, 12:18, More)
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