» Public Transport Trauma

posh bitch
a few weeks ago i was getting the train from worcester to london on a hot sunday afternoon. the train had no air conditioning which was pretty uncomfortable. at oxford, the train fills up to the hilt.. people standing in every free bit of space.

not long after leaving oxford, a woman barges her way through from the carriage behind mine.

i must pause to comment a little on what exactly she was wearing for it was a fairly hideous outfit. she was wearing all pink which is never good but to add insult to injury she had on a tiny floaty sarong thing which did her lumpy cellulitey thighs no favours. stretched across her breasts was the statement "grumpy but gorgeous". grumpy she was but gorgeous? far from it.

anyway, she starts making a fuss. she's trying to get through to first class to get away from the, and i quote "oiks and commoners". but sadly she can't get through as there is a man blocking the way with his bike. he can't move it as there are too many people in the carriage. he tells her she can climb over but she doesn't want to.

she literally started screaming at everyone. a couple of chavvy girls took offence and started arguing with her which only got her more riled up. she started calling one of them "colleen mcloughlan lookalike, not".

then came the mentions of how much she had spent on her education. £25,000 if you're interested. at first people were just annoyed. it was hot and stuffy and here was this posh bitch screaming at us. but after a while of her ranting and occasional demands to the man with the bike to move, people started to laugh. by the time we reached the next station, the whole carriage was in hysterics. when she finally moved on, we saw her off with a round of applause.

apparently she didn't get far though. we were informed that she was held up in a similar fashion in the next carriage. pretty awful at the time but ended up being pretty funny.

length? you try enduring her.
(Fri 30th May 2008, 2:09, More)

» Mini Cabs From Hell

You may or may not know..
but people in Australia are quite openly racist and prejudiced. I don't mean everyone but it's much more evident than it would be in the UK. I was living in Melbourne with my cousin and I had had a looooong stream of terrible taxi drivers. One night some guy was taking me home from st kilda and he was pretty chatty. we were talking away and i mentioned that my dad is australian and i was gonna say that i have an australian passport (therefore being able to live in australia). but he interupted me and started off on this massive speech about how everyone's the same! god made us the same! "i'm lebanese. people call me a leb. they call other people wogs, abbos, everything!! we're all the same!!" he was practically shouting it. a few minutes later we were waiting as traffic lights behind another car in a filter lane going right. the lights turned green but the car in front of us didn't move straight away. my cabbie honked on the horn pretty angrily and shouted "fucking asian drivers!!!!!"
it's a pretty funny story not really a hellish one
(Thu 27th May 2004, 21:31, More)

» Pet Names

my craZY aunt ..
went to oxford university at st ann's college and took with her 2 iguanas (!!) called logwood and steve. she's a bit random.

she now owns 3 horses, a parakeet, a pygmie hedgehog, a devil cat, 2 dogs, love birds, a cameleon, LOADS of poison arrow frogs (she breeds them and sold some to michael jackson), a rabbit, a chinchilla and several geckos.
(Fri 27th Feb 2004, 0:55, More)

» Spoooky Coincidence

When I was backpacking in Oz
back in 2003 I visited the city of Cairns... if you can call it a city.

It's mostly inhabited by backpackers who all go to the Woolshed. An infamous backpackers' pub which serves dinner to most of the hostel's guests.

Anyway, on one particular night I was drunk (big surprise) and dancing on a table... cause that's what you do there.

Dancing next to me was a tall guy. He seemed a little familiar so I began to peer at him through the smoke... he was doing the same thing.

And then, at the exact same moment, we both recognised one another. He was Danny.. a guy I've known since I was a very little baby.

Neither of us had any idea we were both travelling in Oz despite the fact that our parents are good friends and see each other all the time.

length? i'm a girl...
(Fri 9th Feb 2007, 1:05, More)

» Cheating cheaty cheats

French GCSE Oral Exam
We didn't have to bother with writing everything out on the paper or bringing in a separate tape... our French teacher told us what to say and when we got stuck she would write it down for us on cue cards.
(Sun 20th Nov 2005, 15:26, More)