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Profile for Me and your sisters- at it. DVDs/Videos 10 quid.:
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Proud owner of Europe's biggest penis, I shall be taking my gargantuan man-shank on the road in early 2004 in attempt to add the coveted World Title to my list of accomplishments.

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Best answers to questions:

» Worst Record Ever

The Proclaimers- 500 Miles
I would gladly crawl 500 miles through hot tar to escape this piece of musical granny porn.

And am I the only one who thinks "I know they're brothers, but I bet there's nothing they like more than to bum the hell out of each other after every show."?
(Wed 3rd Dec 2003, 15:09, More)

» Booze Related Disasters

The last time I was proper fucked...
It was Halloween 2003- I was wearing an Early Learning Centre policeman's uniform, that made me look like Robocop's soft-lad brother. It was at about 4 am that we started releasing the helium balloons with my police notepaper containing notes such as "Help! I'm trapped in a balloon factory!" and various other words of wisdom.

I'd like to take this opportunity to apologise to whoever found the one marked simply "Congratulations- you are a cunt!"
(Fri 19th Mar 2004, 14:31, More)

» Foot in Mouth Syndrome

Then there was the time I was at a huge joint birthday party...
because I was sitting at a table near the front of the room the stage magician caught my eye and threw a deck of cards to me, urging me to "Make eye contact and then throw them on to someone else." This I duly did, and with that deadly accuracy that only ever comes when you least need it, threw the deck of cards about 25 yards (no kidding- it was an absolute beauty) and hit an 82 year old man square in the face.

Embarrassing? I should fucking say so- over 100 people witnessed my barbaric attack on the Birthday girls' Dad/ Grandad!
(Wed 21st Apr 2004, 13:07, More)

» Lies Your Parents Told You

My mum once told me...
that if I fiddled with my belly button my bottom would fall off.
(Wed 14th Jan 2004, 15:11, More)

» Worst Record Ever

R Kelly- Putting The 'R' Into RnB
Putting the 'R' into young girls as well, from what I hear, although how this converts into such massive record sales I'll never know. Redefining an already overworked genre into Rubbish n Balls. Stop it. Now.
(Wed 3rd Dec 2003, 15:59, More)
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