b3ta.com user Vega31
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» Too much information

Just yesterday...
I got a phone call off my friend.

He asked if my girlfriend and I were ready to go out, I said "Give us ten minutes".

He replies "Why?"

"Just going to have a coffee" said I.

"Don't bother, let's go!" is his retort.

To which my girlfriend chirps back "We're naked in bed!"

"I wasn't going to tell you that you see" I diplomatically got in.

"I'll need ten minutes now" my friend says.

"Why? Too shocked?"

"No, I'm going for a wank!" and he put the phone down.

Not too bad really, except my girlfriend is his cousin.

Had me laughing like a loon though.
(Mon 10th Sep 2007, 13:32, More)

» Stupid Colleagues

Only a few weeks back
a colleage said to a newish member off staff when the phone rang "pass me the phone please Tom". This duly happened and more experienced member of staff went on to answer the phone in his polite, professional manner, only to find that the phone was still ringing. Looking at the handset he beheld he looked over at Tom and despairingly said "pass me the phone that's ringing Tom."

I'm not sure who is stupider, the chap who passed the phone that wasn't ringing or the experienced staff member who didn't spot that it was the wrong handset.

Whilst I'm here, wasn't Frankenstein almost based on a true story as Mary Shelley took inspiration from Dr. Gallvan's work, a French doctor who tried to bring frogs back to life by passing electric current through them? Not a human of course, assembled from various parts of various corpses, but certainly not as fanciful as many things?
(Thu 3rd Mar 2011, 17:29, More)

» Best Graffiti Ever

Most amusing ones I've seen escape me,
but for the minute:

"I wish I had a tag" seen by a large bit of alright graffiti and clearly done with the same hand.

"Free airbag test" written in small writing on a Clio's bumper.

Hasn't this topic been done before bytheway?
(Thu 3rd May 2007, 18:00, More)

» People with Stupid Names

I know
two weird names.

Some bloke whose daughter went to the same school as me and was a complete geek had the name Arnot Francis. When we found that out it lead to us going "Arr! Not Francis!" every time we saw her.

Other is a careers chap at a local college. His name is Richard Head. Work it out.
(Thu 26th Aug 2004, 16:52, More)

» Foot in Mouth Syndrome

Made a few
I called my ex by her sister's name in bed once. Not very social, but still dodgy.

Upon having dinner with her parents for the first time her father informed me that he made tanks, more specifically parts for tanks. My initial reaction was "I thought we were trying to stop wars?". Glares all round, never got invited round again. I think that girl jsut messed my mind up.

In the christmas period of 2002 I turned up around one minute late to work due to heavy traffic and needless to say some temp or other had had my desk. I told the manageress (A temporary manageress who had come down from Stockport) and she had a moan and said "go and have your first break now and be back here for 17:55". I did, she'd kept me waiting though so I'd spent my ten minute first break waiting for her and I had about three minutes to get outside, have a smoke and return. I made it. The next break I got co-incided with that of two of my friends. I got to the smoking area and because of the nature of it and where they were I didn't properly enter it and just looked at them. I proceeded in telling them the what happened to me earlier describing the manageress as "the short one from Stockport that's pretty foxy" and went on to describe feeligns of hate and annoyance in great detail, adding "obviously, I didn't say this to her". To my horror her voice rung out from behind me saying "Or when she's standing behind you?". I thought I was in for the sack, my two friends pissed themselves laughing, and the manageress moaned a bit. Stupidly she got my time of arrival wrong and I corrected her, putting her on the back foot and she left looking stupider than me.
(Thu 22nd Apr 2004, 1:17, More)
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