» Losing Your Virginity

Arr, One was enough fer me...
Let's see, 'twas on a ferry,
Holyhead to Dun Laoghaire,
And I was a mere 23.

She was fair and keen,
And still nineteen,
Though she'd done, and I hadn't, see?

I'd bought the supplies
But she wasn't wise
That I was still pure in them days

For though I'd tickled and spanked
and once had it yanked
It had only ever seen light of day.

She knew what to do,
I hadn't a clue,
I think I put it on inside out.

We bounced on the bunk,
I blew out my trunk,
But after I just let it slip out.

"Your first time!" she said,
As my face turned red
though she'd had no complaints now, alright?

"Should have told me before,
I'd have done something more"
And she sulked for the rest of the night.

Since then it's ten years
and a bit more my dears;
we've got a house, a daughter and son,

But every damn night
'fore i turns out the light
I tries to give her another one.

As goes length, don't be sorry, be right, I says.
(Thu 3rd Mar 2005, 14:35, More)

» Well, that taught 'em

To all the school bullies...
...all the cow-irkers who took the piss out of me
... everyone who ever looked down on me
... the psycho ex-GF's

Hello, I'm doing fine and I'm happy.

The only time I devote any time to thinking of you is when I read B3ta QOTW and think "yeah, I know a cranberry like that... oh well"

My revenge is to make you irrelevant to me. Learn this lesson well: you do not matter.
(Fri 27th Apr 2007, 17:17, More)

» Mad Stuff You've Done To Get Someone To Sleep With You

Blimey
Pierced ear - didn't work, but now my son is convinced I used to be a pirate.

Went Veggie - didn't work

Grabbed a friends tit - didn't work, lost friend

Listened to all their problems for 3 years - not a sniff

got a job dressed up as a cartoon character - RESULT!
(Fri 13th Apr 2007, 13:17, More)

» When I met the parents

I knew I was in
For days, my other half had been warning me about her dog. "He's only little, but he's part terrier. Any time my last Boyfriend came over, he'd sit between us and growl at him. And he bit a plumber once."

Suitably warned, I went and sat down with Teh Fear of Teh Dog... Who promptly trots in, jumps up on my lap and falls asleep. Instant acceptance by family.

Eight years later, I blamed my eggiest christmas fart on the same dog.
(Sat 21st May 2005, 0:20, More)

» Petty Sabotage

Standard reply #47
I wanked into my mum's headphones when she told me the ICe cream man had run out of bollock bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks
(Wed 4th May 2005, 16:58, More)