b3ta.com user Gordon Shumway
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» Family codes and rituals

Lolly Night
There are and have been many rituals in my family over the years, but the best one by far would have to have been Lolly Night.

Every Saturday night when we were kids Dad would line us 3 kids up in front of the fireplace with his hands behind his back and sing.....

"I have got a present, a present, a present.
I have got a present that I will give to you.
Do you want it?"

With that we'd all shout "YES"

"Do you really want it"


"Are you sure?"


With that he'd whip his hands out from behind his back and toss/throw a bag of mixed lollies to us.

Sometimes it would be a gentle toss. Other times he throw them as fast as an Aussie Fast Bowler. This probably depended on how much we had annoyed him during the week. We never cared how hard he threw them or if you copped a bag in the head. Hell we were getting lollies.

God I miss Lolly Night and I miss him too.
(Wed 26th Nov 2008, 4:46, More)

» Breakin' The Law

Not me but,
One of my favourite stories involves a mate, who after a big night on the piss decided to walk home (the fact that he'd spent all his money on beer probably had something to do with it). He had to walk about 15km and just when he got within a couple of hundred metres the cops pulled up and asked what he was doing. "Just going home" he slurred and pointed up the road. "No you're not" replied the cops and took him back into town to spend a couple of hours in the cells.

The best thing was that after they let him go the poor bastard had to walk all the way home again.
(Wed 7th Jan 2004, 22:08, More)

» Biggest opportunity I've blown

I had a great answer to this QOTW
but I pressed enter too
(Tue 8th Apr 2014, 6:43, More)

» Cheating cheaty cheats

I have never cheated!!
But then again I have just cheated my employer of my valuble time by spending the last 1/2 hour reading everyone elses posts.

So maybe I have after all.
(Fri 18th Nov 2005, 5:04, More)

» Pathological Liars

Mr 10%
I've met my share of pathological liars but none of them can hold a candle to "Mr 10%" - as in you can only ever believe 10 % of what he says.
Well Mr 10% and I worked together where he kept everyone amused with his tall tales and unrealistic stories, but his greatest triumph came many years after he had left.

You see, Mr 10% had once actually been involved in a action to stop a young man from been slightly injured in our workplace. A brave action that resulted in him been awarded the highest honour available, The Staff Member of the Month Trophy. I too, was lucky enough to be presented with the same award, but not for brave actions. I received mine for my tireless efforts of pulling beers for the drunken fools at our fortnightly Happy Hour. Now you would think that been presented with this lofty award would be enough. It was for me, but for Mr 10% he wanted more.

Many years later I received a call from a rather perplexed mate who had just received a letter from our local member of parliament advising him that the bravery award for Mr 10% had been approved. Apparently they had got a letter that told the story of Mr 10%'s bravery and how he should get an award. The letter had no return address and was supposedly signed by 5 of us. A copy of the letter was obtained and we discovered 5 clumsily forged signatures that in no way looked like they should. The only way they had tracked my mate was that the secretary of the MP also used to work at the same place and recognised his "signature" and tracked down his address.
Needless to say the award was quashed and Mr 10% missed out.

Did Mr 10% write his own bravery award application?? Well none of us have seen him to ask, but history says yes!!
(Mon 3rd Dec 2007, 1:54, More)
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