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- a member for 20 years, 5 months and 0 days
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» Sleepwalking
O! Brother
One night, my twin brother and I went out on the lash in Hull. He lived in the city centre at the time so after a skinfull, I went back to his to crash on his floor. I was awoken at around 5am with him standing over me, apparently getting his cock out.
"What the fuck are you doing?!" I asked him.
"Shut up," he told me.
He then started weeing. I'm usually slow to wake, but this time I managed to throw myself clear of the stream with cat-like agility, catching maybe a cupful of piss on my shoulder, arm and in my hair.
"What the fuck are you doing?!" I demanded again, but he ignored me and went happily on pissing all over my airbed.
Now his fiancee came in to see what the commotion was. She quickly concluded he was asleep and set about trying to guide him back to bed. She turned him around and I could see that his expression was plainly vacant.
However, he appraised me and then seemed to think for a second, and then lunged at me, asking me what exactly my fucking problem was. I beat a retreat, and went to run a bath whilst his other half put him back in his bed.
The next day he had absolutely no recollection of the incident and refused to believe a word of it until I'd shown him the soaked bedding.
His response? "Er... Sorry."
So there you go - pissed on and started on by my own twin brother, whilst he was asleep.
(Sat 25th Aug 2007, 5:16, More)
O! Brother
One night, my twin brother and I went out on the lash in Hull. He lived in the city centre at the time so after a skinfull, I went back to his to crash on his floor. I was awoken at around 5am with him standing over me, apparently getting his cock out.
"What the fuck are you doing?!" I asked him.
"Shut up," he told me.
He then started weeing. I'm usually slow to wake, but this time I managed to throw myself clear of the stream with cat-like agility, catching maybe a cupful of piss on my shoulder, arm and in my hair.
"What the fuck are you doing?!" I demanded again, but he ignored me and went happily on pissing all over my airbed.
Now his fiancee came in to see what the commotion was. She quickly concluded he was asleep and set about trying to guide him back to bed. She turned him around and I could see that his expression was plainly vacant.
However, he appraised me and then seemed to think for a second, and then lunged at me, asking me what exactly my fucking problem was. I beat a retreat, and went to run a bath whilst his other half put him back in his bed.
The next day he had absolutely no recollection of the incident and refused to believe a word of it until I'd shown him the soaked bedding.
His response? "Er... Sorry."
So there you go - pissed on and started on by my own twin brother, whilst he was asleep.
(Sat 25th Aug 2007, 5:16, More)
» Best Graffiti Ever
Someone once stopped on the motorway to
change the sign that says 'River Ouse' to 'River MOuse'. You have to respect that kind of commitment.
(Tue 8th May 2007, 6:16, More)
Someone once stopped on the motorway to
change the sign that says 'River Ouse' to 'River MOuse'. You have to respect that kind of commitment.
(Tue 8th May 2007, 6:16, More)
» Dad Jokes
Not one of my dad's, this one, as I haven't got one,
but of the same ilk...
A friend of mine specializes in dad-type jokes. Example:
We'd been out drinking heavily one Friday night. Saturday morning, 7am, he rings me up. I answer the phone with pained hungover grunt.
"Not feeling too well, Becks?" he chimes. "You want to get yourself some shut-eye!"
This and many others have led me to put 12,000 miles between us.
(Fri 12th Dec 2003, 6:16, More)
Not one of my dad's, this one, as I haven't got one,
but of the same ilk...
A friend of mine specializes in dad-type jokes. Example:
We'd been out drinking heavily one Friday night. Saturday morning, 7am, he rings me up. I answer the phone with pained hungover grunt.
"Not feeling too well, Becks?" he chimes. "You want to get yourself some shut-eye!"
This and many others have led me to put 12,000 miles between us.
(Fri 12th Dec 2003, 6:16, More)