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- a member for 22 years, 5 months and 27 days
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- has posted 8 stories and 3 replies on question of the week
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» When Animals Attack
Black Beauty
For a mate's birthday recently a group of us gentlemen decided to do what gentlemen of leisure do - head off for a night on the tables of the Tees Valley's finest casino... the name of which escapes me.
A night of merrily losing money and sobriety was had by all, but in the minibus on the way home one of the party, G, decided he had to be violently sick IMMEDIATELY RIGHT NOW. Nothing especially noteworthy about that, we thought, as we pulled over on the hard shoulder to let him paint his shoes. G runs up the embankment, stumbles to his knees and has just started throwing up when a horse with more than a passing resemblance to Black Beauty appears out of the darkness beyond the fence. BB seems quite excited by G's predicament, and after much whinnying and suchlike proceeds, for reasons known only to himself, to cock a leg and let loose a frankly magnificent stream of piss over G's hunched, shuddering, still puking frame.
He walked the rest of the way home.
(Sun 27th Apr 2008, 19:57, More)
Black Beauty
For a mate's birthday recently a group of us gentlemen decided to do what gentlemen of leisure do - head off for a night on the tables of the Tees Valley's finest casino... the name of which escapes me.
A night of merrily losing money and sobriety was had by all, but in the minibus on the way home one of the party, G, decided he had to be violently sick IMMEDIATELY RIGHT NOW. Nothing especially noteworthy about that, we thought, as we pulled over on the hard shoulder to let him paint his shoes. G runs up the embankment, stumbles to his knees and has just started throwing up when a horse with more than a passing resemblance to Black Beauty appears out of the darkness beyond the fence. BB seems quite excited by G's predicament, and after much whinnying and suchlike proceeds, for reasons known only to himself, to cock a leg and let loose a frankly magnificent stream of piss over G's hunched, shuddering, still puking frame.
He walked the rest of the way home.
(Sun 27th Apr 2008, 19:57, More)
» Mix Tapes
not so subliminal messages...
Back in 2001 I found out that my then girlfriend had been cheating on me with a close mutual friend - so close, in fact, that we'd decided (along with another friend) to all go on holiday to a small cottage on Loch Ness together. I offered to make a mix tape for the journey (coming up from Darlington would take, oh I dunno, 16 hours or something). The tracklist was as follows:
'How long has this been going on' - Paul Carrack.
On loop.
Both sides.
A great journey and an even better week's holiday.
(Fri 8th Feb 2008, 13:17, More)
not so subliminal messages...
Back in 2001 I found out that my then girlfriend had been cheating on me with a close mutual friend - so close, in fact, that we'd decided (along with another friend) to all go on holiday to a small cottage on Loch Ness together. I offered to make a mix tape for the journey (coming up from Darlington would take, oh I dunno, 16 hours or something). The tracklist was as follows:
'How long has this been going on' - Paul Carrack.
On loop.
Both sides.
A great journey and an even better week's holiday.
(Fri 8th Feb 2008, 13:17, More)
» Absolute Power
Interpretation
I work as an interpreter. The position naturally comes with the absolute power of control over communication. If, like me, you are of a slightly... mischevious disposition, it gets really hard to not tell the Madagascan fisheries minister that his Taiwanese counterpart wishes to express his desire for a duel to the death to settle quota dicussions once and for all. Or something to do with sodomy, etc. I'm sure I could slip it in without anyone noticing. Said the head of the trade delegation to the minister without portfolio. Hoho.
(Mon 12th Jul 2010, 17:10, More)
Interpretation
I work as an interpreter. The position naturally comes with the absolute power of control over communication. If, like me, you are of a slightly... mischevious disposition, it gets really hard to not tell the Madagascan fisheries minister that his Taiwanese counterpart wishes to express his desire for a duel to the death to settle quota dicussions once and for all. Or something to do with sodomy, etc. I'm sure I could slip it in without anyone noticing. Said the head of the trade delegation to the minister without portfolio. Hoho.
(Mon 12th Jul 2010, 17:10, More)
» Amazing displays of ignorance
Unbreakable
I once watched the movie Unbreakable with my mum. You know, the one where Bruce Willis literally can't be injured or killed.
As the credits roll, she turns to me and innocently asks:
'Is this real?'
Other Mum classics include 'Is Dennis Quaid one of the Baldwin brothers?'
......?
(Fri 19th Mar 2010, 1:51, More)
Unbreakable
I once watched the movie Unbreakable with my mum. You know, the one where Bruce Willis literally can't be injured or killed.
As the credits roll, she turns to me and innocently asks:
'Is this real?'
Other Mum classics include 'Is Dennis Quaid one of the Baldwin brothers?'
......?
(Fri 19th Mar 2010, 1:51, More)
» Guilty Pleasures, part 2
Austrian
I like to tell people I meet that I'm Austrian, and get complimented for my excellent English. I also claim to be able to speak fluent Cantonese, and pick out different Korean dialects.
Somehow, this has yet to backfire.
(Mon 17th Mar 2008, 15:36, More)
Austrian
I like to tell people I meet that I'm Austrian, and get complimented for my excellent English. I also claim to be able to speak fluent Cantonese, and pick out different Korean dialects.
Somehow, this has yet to backfire.
(Mon 17th Mar 2008, 15:36, More)