» Have you ever been rude to a celebrity?

Very funny for me because a) i lost my job and b) i didnt like it anyways
Insulting a celebrity the best way in the world to lose a job.


First: Lowri Turner of that home improvement show cant rember the name now, visits the local Safeway where i just so happened to work at the time. Guess what she cam through my checkout and I was having a nice conversation with her about my job and then i asked her what she did (at the time not realising it was her) she told me that she worked for BBC on said improvement show. and i replied with "oh that very classy show with the downtrodden masses looking for a freebie with that fat bird who presents it whats her name?" to which she said "me" what kind of a stupid name is that and she said "no im the fat bird who presents it" and stormed off.
(Wed 14th Apr 2004, 19:35, More)

» Sleepwalking

3 for your delight...
Let's see...

1. After being knocked off a table in secondary school by a dastardly wrestling move i had a mild concussion. This lead to a night of me dreaming I was a soldier who had his legs blow off by a grenade and dragging myself on my arms recieving a lovely carpet burn for my troubles. (Age 12)

2. Sleep walking to the top of the stairs. Having a full blown conversation with the old man about random bollocks. Ending the conversation with a loud FUCK OFF and going back to bed. (Age 9)

3. Not me but a lovely tale from my friend about his girlfriend and her drunken sleep walking misadventures. After a heavy session in the local which is miles away the friend and girlfriend arrive home. Said girlfriend is naked and trundles into the friends parents room. Standing there for full on 10 minutes a startled mother awakens. walks girlfriend back to friend and presents naked girlfriend to friend with "I think this belongs to you"
(Thu 23rd Aug 2007, 15:15, More)

» Going Too Far

I'm Gonna Post So I Can Bitch at the End
Well there was thi lovely young child in my secondary school who was terrorized because his dad was unknown and he ran away from his mum.

So there was the basic who's your daddy and other things that involved making him cry on a regular basis. I even once did the hand bigger than the face cancer thing and broke his nose. Back to the story...

So it was all getting out of hand and began with the throwing of bagels at him and eventually the recording of Darth Vader saying "I am your father" being added to our french class cassette and it being played under exam conditions.

Now for the bitchy. Stop with the "ooh I went a great distance blah blah blah" that's just sad.
(Sat 11th Nov 2006, 16:36, More)

» Mums

Too ugly.
Was visiting the rents this Monday passed. We were talking about a boy that used to live down the road from us. It's nice to say he was a bit special. The conversation went along the lines of.

Mum: Oooh you remember dippy Jonathan? I was talking to him on the bus the other day and he seems good now but he was having a bit of trouble with his girlfriend.

My Younger Brother: What! I can't believe he has a girlfriend. He was a complete tard. How can he have a girlfriend and I don't. I am good enough for that.

Mum: Yeah apparently she is lovely. I think she said he was blind too.

My younger brother stomps off in a huff. I am pissing myself laughing in a corner. My mum had not realised that she had just used the greatest put down I had ever heard.

My brother standing at the top of the stairs screaming at me for laughing.

My Younger Brother: Oh thats fucking brilliant. Not only has he got a girlfriend but she is blind aswell. I can't even get a fucking blind girlfriend. Brilliant.

My mum still not realising what is going on smiles and continues the chat on another topic involving cats and a dead bird.
(Thu 11th Feb 2010, 20:17, More)

» It's not me, it's the drugs talking

Ah the joys of smoking weed in the woods
A small gathering of about 20 people in a woods somewhere in Southampton. A lengthy trip to fill a bucket with fresh water for extra drug usage. Me needing to clear my head by dunking it in water. Find said bucket. Rather stoned leaning head first into a bucket of water promptly rolling down a rather steep hill. Covered in mud and bucket water. Being shouted at for being a dick.

The next storytakes place new years about 5 or so years ago. Strange older friend invites us to his flat for smoking and new years entertainment. Bring along another friend. About 5 of us working our way through a 9 bar. Mentioned older friend whiteys and so does friends house mate.Me and my other friend continue smoking until 2 the next afternoon. No Whitey in sight. Ah the joys of a 30 year old lonely female flat mate attempting to seduce a 16 year old boy by dragging him into her room and sellotaping him to the bed.

Finally a back garden story. Hash cookies each with an 1/8 in. The simple warning of "DO NOT eat more than 2. Or you will die" then me eating 3 1/2 slowly going for whitey gold in a freezing cold garden at night. Cookie puke actuallylooks like Cookie dough surprisingly.

Sorry about length I think it's pointless to post individuals when one annoying long one is nearly good enough.
(Sun 18th Dec 2005, 8:08, More)