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Repost time for arse related fun

(Wed 5th Nov 2008, 18:57, More)

(Fri 25th Jun 2004, 15:36, More)

(Wed 1st Oct 2003, 23:58, More)

(Wed 28th May 2003, 0:20, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Pet Stories

Gerbil escape team.
We had three gerbils, quite a few years back now, who were like a WW2 escape group. They lived in an aquarium, about half full of sawdust and shredded paper for them to dig in. There was a lid on the tank, wooden frame with a wire mesh top. What they would do, is pile the sawdust up at one end, so that it was almost to the top of the tank. Then, they'd push up at the corner of the lid.

Now, gerbils are not very big or strong animals, and lifting this lid took all three of them. But eventually there'd be enough of a gap for one to squeeze out. However, as soon as the escapee had, the two remaining wouldn't be able to keep it open. So, you come downstairs one morning and find two gerbils in a tank, and one loose in the house.

It took us bloody ages to work out what they were doing.
(Fri 8th Jun 2007, 12:34, More)

» Worst Nicknames Ever

I have a lecturer called Dr Miao.
Who is known by some of us as Dr Cat Noise.
(Thu 18th May 2006, 22:16, More)

» Shoplifting

Talkinf of self service checkouts...
They were stacking the shelves in the supermarket while I was in there buying food and beer. More specifically, wine-bottle sized Belgian beers.

Rather than clear half the shelf and force the guy who was there to restock it, I picked up a box of 6 from his trolley and took that. Having finished shopping I went to the self-service checkouts, and paid up as normal. The big box had a barcode on it that I swiped through, assuming it was for the full contents.

It wasn't. 6 bottles for the price of one. Result.
(Thu 10th Jan 2008, 16:14, More)

» I Drank Meths (pointless teenage things you did to shock)

I once actually drank meths.
We were 16-17ish, it was summer, we were sat at the end of a friend's garden with a bonfire going, drinking cheap cider and pissing about as boys do.

Anyway, we decided that spraying meths on the fire made a cool fireball, and that the best way to do that would OBVIOUSLY be to take a swig and spit it out. Which I did, a few times. Until the time that someone made me laugh while I had it in my mouth and I choked, swallowing some.

By fuck I was sick that night.

The wonder of the meths, followed by chugging down about 2 litres of cider because someone else said "that tastes like meths now" after I took a swig to wash my mouth out...

Probably the closest I've ever come to actually poisoning myself to death.
(Thu 19th Jul 2007, 19:01, More)

» Accidental animal cruelty

Gerbiloons! Well, hamsters actually.
If you put a drinking straw into a hamster's cage, it's more than likely it'll come and chew on the end. A gentle puff down the straw and their cheek pouches blow up like balloons. Absolutely hilarious when you're about 10, until you realise you're forcibly stretching the skin of their cheeks. Fortunately, I don't think I ever did it hard enough to cause damage.

Still, some of them deserved it. Especially the russian ones. The only way to get the little buggers out of the cage was to put your hand in and wait for the to latch on...
(Thu 6th Dec 2007, 22:24, More)
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