b3ta.com user MrVictim
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Come and see me play songs and wear nice hats

www.cranebrothers.com

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» * PFFT *

The London Eye
The london eye is basically a number fairly small sealed plastic capsules on a fooking huge wheel. It takes fully 30 minuntes to complete a revolution and once it has begun there is no way to go off other than wating for the ride to finish. Thus, it was a rare moment of synchronicity that I dropped the most pungent gruff of my entire life right at the top of the London eye, on a hot summers day, surrounded by unsuspecting tourists. I swear to god one Italian lady tried to force the main door on the capsule. She would have rather jumped than bear the stench anymore.

They knew it was me because I was the only one laughing.
(Fri 13th Jul 2007, 15:21, More)

» I was drunk when I bought this

My Russian Wife
seriously.
(Fri 10th Jun 2005, 11:18, More)

» Encounters with Royalty

My mate the Queen
I met the queen after performing in front of her and Prince whatshisname at The Comonwealth centre. I was wearing luminous orange trousers, a gold fake muscle chest-plate, and headress complete with enormous fake rubber dreadlocks. I wonder if she remembers me. The basic impression I took from the experience was that she is very small, very old, and probably not as nice as my Gran. Later that same day I met Floella Benjamin. I consider that the highlight of my day.
(Thu 3rd Aug 2006, 16:24, More)

» Injured Siblings

Fun with Catapults
When I was 13 my brother threw me down the stairs. In retaliation I fetched my Black Widow cataplut and a 2p and fired it at is head as ran away. With hindsight a good clean blow to the head could have killed or severely wounded him, so I imagine he's grateful I only managed to hit him in the leg.
(Fri 19th Aug 2005, 9:05, More)

» Slang Survey

Ned Kelly
Officially the worst film ever made, and so anything that's rubbish, is completely Ned Kelly eg. 'that is fucking Ned'

Things that are incredibly good, are 'shooting monkeys'.
(Mon 2nd Feb 2004, 12:42, More)
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