» Breakin' The Law

high school "high"jinx
so me and 3 friends are hanging outside a movie theatre, around the corner behind a couple of trees, smoking some special tobacco prior to the viewing of an animation festival. preparing ourselves for extra trippy cartoon fun. suddenly a police officer appears and glares at us sternly... "i don't think you should be smoking that." we all get scared, nervous, ramble off lame excuses that don't make any sense "it's not ours, we don't know what it is, we just found it, what do you mean, it's just a cigarette..." the policeman laughs, holds out his hand, we give him the contraband, and he says, "enjoy the show." and walks away, smoking our joint. sometimes canada can be pretty cool.
(Thu 8th Jan 2004, 18:24, More)

» Dad Jokes

improperly polite
one of my dad's favourite one-liners is: "Spank you very much." and he says it with a straight face, so people aren't sure... he has also been knoiwn to pull out the old "may i tickle your ass with a feather" and my mom says, pardon!?" and my dad says again: "Particularly nasty weather."

also - my friend's dad? everytime he took us to the movies when we were like 8 or 9 years old - as soon as the lights started dimming, he would shout, "I'm going blind!" he thought it was hilarious. we hated it.
(Wed 10th Dec 2003, 21:59, More)

» Irrational Fears

just a bite...
well, it probably started when i was a kid and watched some scary movie on tv - but to this day - i still feel that if i fall asleep (on my stomach) without my hand up covering the side of my neck, then a vampire will be able to come and bite me, and i'll wake up as one of the undead - or not wake up at all. i don't know why - i mean - a vampire could just as easily remove my hand before biting - it's not as if it stinks of garlic or anything - but i guess that's why it's called irrational, eh?
(Tue 27th Jan 2004, 19:43, More)

» Clients Are Stupid

retail response
i was working in a record store:
customer: do you have any german music?
me:did you check the world music section?
customer: yeah, it has greece, but i wanted german
me: was there any artist in particular?
customer: yeah, rammstein.
me (checking database): well, there's one listed, but we don't have it at the moment.
customer: no, i have that one, do you have any others?
me: umm.... no... that's the only one listed.
customer: so, does that mean i have to buy the Lost Highway soundtrack?
me: only if you want to.
(Fri 2nd Jan 2004, 21:52, More)