b3ta.com user Throbbe
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You'd think I'd be old enough to know better by now, wouldn't you?

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» Airport Stories

Jolly cheerful immigration official
I feel a little cheated, as I've never had a bad airport experience.

At JFK starting a weeks honeymoon we'd timed the flights to arrive late local time and get some kip to reset the body clock. Similarly, we were leaving early local time to have a long day on the flight back and do the same. Having done it a few times it seems to work.

Anyhoo, the emmigration chappy was one of the biggest guys I've ever seen. At least 6' 8" and built like a brick outhouse. Not in stereotypically american lardarse sense, but just 20 stone of bulging muscle.

"Purpose of Visit?"

"Holiday, well, honeymoon actually"

"Congratulations sir, but why New York?"

"I like shoe shops"

"OK, works for me. How long will you be staying?"

"Seven days, but eight nights" (I was worried that I might be thrown out on the stroke of midnight on the last day, I get very nervous around authority)

"AAAAAALLLLL RIIIIGHT!!! EIGHT NIGHTS MAN!!!"

The rest of the lounge is then treated to the impressive sight of this collosus standing up and miming shagging someone bent over his desk, while also spanking her ass and whooping and hollering as if his life depended on it.

Needless to say I laughed so hard stuff came out of my nose. It took at least half a dozen attempts to take my picture with the little digicam thingy because I couldn't keep a straight face.
(Fri 3rd Mar 2006, 16:07, More)

» My computer gave away my secrets

Not at all Pr0n related!!!eleventyone!!andsuchlike
A little over ten months ago Mrs Throbbe give birth to our very beautiful daughter. The photographs we have of her on the laptop probably number in their thousands.

As I am a soft b**tard, I have the screensaver that randomly shows image files so I can sit there and go "Awwwww" at many images of Throbbe Jr.

You can already see the potential for disaster. As above, this is not porn related. It's worse than that.

In one of the photographs, the beautiful Throbbe Jr has her hair in a side parting, staring into the camera with her lovely wide blue eyes, in a way that would be considered intense, and possibly disturbing in an adult. For some strange reason she reminded me of Adolf Hitler. Especially after I 'shopped a badly drawn 'tache on. Naturally, this was very funny, although the more sensible than me Mrs Throbbe disagreed.

This picture flashed up on screen while my grandmother was admiring the cute screensaver montage.

The same grandmother who was born in germany. and lost several family members to the death camps. who fled her home at the age of 6 with only a suitcase carrying her whole life to avoid being killed/raped/etc by the advancing russian troops. who endured much abuse from ignorant neighbours having moved to England in the '50's. You get the picture. Fucksocks.

Nothing was said.

Frankly, Octegenarian Paraplegic Scat images* would have been better.



* not that I have any, although I'm willing to bet that such things exist.
(Fri 10th Feb 2006, 12:59, More)

» The Onosecond

Another work one
Doing the usual post Xmas break "How was it" chat with a few colleagues.

Turned out that someones mum died on Xmas eve, which obviously ruined the holiday. It's always awkward thinking of the right thing to say at these times. However, it would be fair to say our secretary got it completely wrong with "Did you keep the receipt for her present?". Always engage brain before operating mouth.
(Fri 27th May 2005, 8:58, More)

» Beautiful but Bonkers

More beautifully bonkers really
... as she wasn't a looker.

A work colleague was dumped only a month before her wedding. Apparently her fiance was already married, so had to call it off, but it would still be OK to keep seeing her, yes?

She told me about this at work, but when I asked assured me she was OK. No tantrums, no tears, no fuss.

Just an order for thousands of pounds of pink stationery that turned up a few days later. Pink paper, pens, rulers, tip-ex (yes, you can get pink tip-ex), ring binders, you see where I'm going with this.

Best. Breakdown. Ever.
(Tue 21st Nov 2006, 14:35, More)

» Pure Ignorance

OK, not one of mine this time.
Mrs Throbbe used to be a PA for a big important doctor man (I don't think that was his official title).

One fine morning she had typed the letter that he had drafted and asked, "Do you want me to change the first line?"

"Why?"

"Well, I'm not sure you mean what you're saying."

"No, it looks fine to me." Signs letter.

Letter goes out to big important scientist man ...

"Dear Steve

I must start by apologising for the cock up my end. Unfortunately, blah blah blah ..."

Fnarr!
(Wed 12th Jan 2005, 13:59, More)
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