» Intense Friendships

Barbie Porn.
When I was a wee lass of seven, I had very few friends, and the friends that I did have weren't very fond of me.

Well, one of these friends was another homeschooled girl like me, and one day while she was over at my house she had a camera with her and got the bright idea to make barbie porn.

I was horrified and a bit confused at the whole thing, and hid the barbies in my closet. She decided to threaten me with "I won't be your friend anymore!"

So, I gave in.

We then proceeded to make a very strange stop-motion animation barbie porn film, including beastiality (barbie+beanie babies) and gangbangs.

Not intentionally depraved, mind you. We were young, and innocent, and we just stuck things together and went something like "OH WE'RE HAVING SEX *kiss kiss kiss*"

Imagine the looks on our mothers faces when we proudly showed them our creation at the end of the day.

Ah, the pastimes of little girls.
(Mon 31st Jul 2006, 19:03, More)

» My sex misconceptions

Children are self-righteous little bastards.
I must preface this by saying that as a child, I was convinced that I knew everything and that anything I didn't know I could find out myself.

So, I firmly believed that babies came from God watching a couple get married, seeing how much they loved each other, and then making the woman pregnant on their wedding day. I didn't really think about how multiple children would come about from this, but as I only had a half-sister (different mum), the whole thing still made sense from my point of view.

I didn't realize that I had anything between my legs that was used for more than peeing. I thought of my nether-regions basically how most people think of their elbows: they are there, they don't do a lot, so don't think about it. I knew that boys had things different between their legs, but I just put this as a diversity issue, much like if all boys just happened to have giant moles on their faces. I didn't think they actually did anything.

I knew the word sex was a bad word, and I thought it was a synonym for rape, but I didn't actually know what rape was, clearly. I seem to remember thinking it was something about a man sticking something up a woman's butt.

I believed this until I was twelve. My mum never corrected me because I was so utterly sure that my self-formulated ideas were the truth that I never asked where babies came from.

One day, I got bored and started reading my baby book. In it was a question and answer article from parents to this parenting expert person, and one of the questions was about what to do if your child asks where babies came from. It had different answers for different ages; I read all of them. The last was fairly graphic, and I thought it was a joke. I went to my mum, horrified.

"Mommy, is this really true?" I asked.

"Er...um.....um.....yes?" Was her response.

I felt completely disgusted and betrayed by both my mother and God. I still refused to believe it for a few days.

Also, when I first got my period I didn't really know what it was and the second month I had it, I was shocked again because I was convinced that I had dreamed the first time and women didn't really bleed out of their vaginas.

And this is why you do not homeschool anti-social children.
(Sat 27th Sep 2008, 4:20, More)

» Common

4/4 time
It's really quite common.

Ahem.
(Mon 20th Oct 2008, 6:41, More)

» Will you go out with me?

Violence really is the best way to go about things.
So, junior year of high school I had been crushing on a guy for quite a while. Not really sure why at this point, considering he looked disturbingly like Henry VIII, but that's not the point.

I was very obvious, apparently, but I still thought I was being suave and coy when I asked him to take a walk with me one night. We talked about random things while I shamelessly flirted and he acted as he always did, and finally I told him that there was something I had wanted to do for a while. He didn't really say anything, so I just sort of jumped up and pecked him on the lips (I'm a bit short).

He didn't respond, I freaked out, and we kept walking. I asked him if he liked me, he said yes. We kept walking.

Then I looked at him and said, "If you don't kiss me again, I'm going to punch you in the face." So he did.

Not strictly asking out, but that's still how we got together. Lasted a month, ended in a mess, but how it started still makes me giggle when I think about it.
(Wed 3rd Sep 2008, 18:48, More)

» Fire!

Not exactly a house...
It was a bland spring afternoon as I sat on the floor in the living room with nothing but a lit candle in front of me, a box of tissues beside me, and a black television screen glaring at the back of my head; so I, being the outstanding specimen of human intelligence that I am, decided to alleviate my boredom by combining my resources or, in other words, setting a piece of tissue paper on fire. What resulted from this was, at first, a brain completely at a loss for what to do, then, a confused and alarmed grandmother and a rather nasty smell, and finally, a few seconds later, a myself with a flaming tissue in my hand making a mad dash for the kitchen sink. Cue panic and fear that my mother would kill me/laugh at me.

Turns out it was not extremely bad, though it looked very nasty and had a ridiculously long recovery period.


*insert length joke here*

P.S.
(Mon 7th Nov 2005, 17:00, More)