b3ta.com user Kyzia
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Nothing to see here. Move along...

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(Mon 21st Jan 2013, 23:31, More)

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» The best thing I've built

I made this in 2007 for my daughter's birthday. Got the plans from a Garden Projects DIY book, modified them a little, and built it effectively from scratch over the course of a couple of weekends. Five years on and it's still standing.

It's not a shed, by the way!

(Thu 11th Oct 2012, 14:08, More)

» Call Centres

Call centre story number 1 :
Many years ago I worked in the Dublin-based call centre for a well known provider of online services, internet, and free CDs. I was part of a technical support team composed of mostly early 20s nerds and geeks. Naturally, one of the favourite passtimes of most of the team members was frequenting the chat rooms and trying to score some one-on-one chats with the ever willing American ladies.

Out of boredom or mischief one day, I decided to see how easy it would be to wind someone up...
I created an alternate profile - 'Paula23765', gave her the appropriate details - 23, blonde, Californian, likes rollerblading and tanning, and then signed in to the chat room that most of the guys were currently infesting. Sure enough, within moments I had about ten invitations for private chats. I selected a likely victim at random (well, okay - it was Paul, the guy whose desk was opposite mine, just over the partition). Some chat ensued, which started off relatively tame, but didn't stay that way for long.. Desperate to impress, despite the obvious absence of a clue, he claimed among other things to have participated in the odd orgy (but "didn't like the taste of other guys cum" - dunno where that came from), and so on. All the while saying things like "I've got a live one here guys" to nearby team members. At one point he leaned over the partition and asked me how to spell 'cunnilingus' - it was hard not to laugh.

Anyway, all good things must come to an end.. round about the time that Paula suggested that she could stay with him during an upcoming trip to Ireland (at which point he admitted to still living with his parents), he went off for his scheduled 15 minute break vowing to return. Of course, I told another team member what had been going on. He begged for an email copy of the chat log, which I duly provided. By the time Paul got back from his break, the entire team had read through a few salient points of the chat, and the cat was well out of the bag. He took it very well, all things considered.

Within another hour, someone else on the team had forwarded the email to the mailing list for the entire call centre. The following day when I walked into the canteen and saw members of the customer service team passing sheets of paper around the table and laughing out loud, I knew without asking what it was. Nothing "official" came of it, thankfully, but I left the place shortly afterwards anyway...

Then around a year later, my brother forwarded an email to me.. it was the very same chat log. Printed out, it ran to 12 pages... about 8 of them were email headers - it had been everywhere, and back.

As for the length? When pressed, he admitted to less than 12" of throbbing meat. :-/
(Thu 3rd Sep 2009, 22:48, More)

» Call Centres

Call centre story number 2 :
One of the problems with freephone numbers is that there's an awful lot of people who'll decide to call it, stay on hold for 20 minutes, and then bother some poor techie rather than actually think at all. Conversations like;

Techie : Which version of Windows are you using?
Customer : Five
Techie : Uh... five? Are you sure?
Customer : Yes, you know - the blue one
::penny drops::
Techie : Would that be WordPerfect, by any chance?
Customer : Yes, and I want to connect to the internet.

There was also a nice, but confused, old man who had received a Free Trial CD in the post. He didn't even have a computer, but had bought a washing machine about a week previously and wanted to know if it was anything to do with that. Was quite determined to return the CD too, despite assurances that we had loads, thanks, and he could probably just throw it away...
(Thu 3rd Sep 2009, 22:53, More)

» Have you ever seen a dead body?

On the way to work about 3 years ago, I saw a woman on a bicycle get run over by a site lorry (you know - the big ones that carry dirt around between building sites). Lorry was turning left at a junction, woman cycled up the side in his blind spot, and got squashed.

I saw the whole thing - both sets of back wheels went right over her, and I fully expected her to be dead. She wasn't, though - just a bit mangled.

As one of the first on the scene (I called for the ambulance that took her away), I had to hang around stopping other well-meaning bystanders from trying to move her around too much, and had to wait for the police, etc.

Later when I gave a formal statement I was told that she was expected to make an eventual recovery. Good to hear, but my memory of the accident is still pretty vivid.

The End
(Thu 28th Feb 2008, 10:11, More)

» Bodge Jobs

Car bodge
A former colleague's fix for the 'check engine' light coming on in his Audi A4.....

.. black insulating tape over the offending light.

He's a Mechatronic Engineer (half mechanical, half electronic), so I presume he knew what he was doing.
(Fri 11th Mar 2011, 23:53, More)
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