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» Ignoring Instructions

Fish Fingers
My dad once cooked himself tea, and opted for a fish finger sandwich.

Instructions on the box: "Place fish fingers on a baking tray with upturned sides". What does my dad do? Puts the fish fingers on the tray... but tries to balance them on their sides, completely misinterpreting the instructions. We never let him live it down...
(Mon 8th May 2006, 12:10, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

Sorry if its bindun...
How do you make your girlfriend cry during sex?

Phone her up and tell her.
(Thu 8th Dec 2005, 9:18, More)

» The Weird Kid In Class

Was it just my school
or did everyone have one kid in the year with a permanently runny nose, who, rather than wiping or blowing it, would wait for it to reach their top lip before licking it off?
(Fri 19th Jan 2007, 15:05, More)

» Pretentious bollocks

Food at Gatwick Airport
When I check in for a flight, and go for a sandwich, I don't want a 'dolphin friendly' tuna sandwich on 'organic rye bread' with 'rocket leaf salad'. I want a fucking tuna sandwich which I don't have to pay about a fiver for. Even if it kills dolphins and is made from GM bread; like I give a shit.

Pretentious sandwiches. Bah.
(Tue 4th Oct 2005, 22:21, More)

» Dumb things you've done

Fairy Lights
Being official DIY person in my house; I was last year tasked with changing the fuse in the fairly lights which were shortly to adorn our tree. Of course, being temperamental fairy lights, I knew it might be the fuse bulb that was gone, and decided not to fully replace the plastic insulation case on the back of the plug in order to save time if this was the case (so that I could replace the original fuse if required; we have a permanent shortage in our house).

I plugged the lights back in to our Christmas lights extension cable, and realised that the point of the back of the plug was to keep the pins in place - the live pin had not gone into the socket. Rather than doing the sensible thing, and replacing the full plug, I decided to push the live pin down into the socket with my bare finger.

Of course, I had neglected to check that the outlet the extension cable was plugged into was off. I heard a strange buzzing and a strange vibration at the tip of my finger, followed by me jumping backwards about 5 feet from my position underneath the Christmas Tree.

On the bright side, the lights did work once my body had been removed from the circuit.
(Thu 20th Dec 2007, 20:15, More)
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