b3ta.com user Shining Love Pig
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» Pet Stories

cats cats cats
Ours was a cat family. Before our Gran moved in, we had accumulated five...Gran, being of the divorced and demented denomination, had nineteen of the buggers...at one point I knew all their names, but I digress...

A noteworthy character was Murray, a slithe and nimble fellow, who liked nothing better than deftly skipping up your leg, scaling your back and coming to rest on your shoulders like a ginger scarf. Since he was so delicate of frame, it was a while before he started to get heavy.

The problem came with Deckland, a tabby who was built like a tank. He was clearly up for what Murray was getting, and would also try to reach your shoulders, unfortunately in a far less graceful manner, what with the scrabbling and the claws, the tearing and the colossal weight of a muscular tabby on your shoulders...

Then there was Jasper, a jet black, charismatic and affable chap, who unfortunately became a rapist in later life...poor, weak defenseless Snoopy...

...and Esmerelda, a handy lady to have about the place, for when another cat was sick, she would zoom in and lap it up completely, a dangerous "don't come anywhere near me!" look in her eyes...
(Fri 8th Jun 2007, 10:40, More)

» Sacked

My greatest achievment?
I got fired from two telesales jobs on the same day. I rarely take pride in my inability to do something.
(Fri 24th Feb 2006, 5:04, More)

» Vandalism

from my sister...
Her French teacher was a lady by the name of Miss Heaton, not popular amongst my sisters circle of friends, to the point where one of them decided to go into the french room and write "Miss Heaton is a bitch" on the blackboard. Just as the girl was finishing the "h" of "bitch", who should walk in but Miss Heaton? The girl looked her nemesis straight in the eye and in a broad Boltonian twang declared
"It weren't me."
(Sat 9th Oct 2010, 9:31, More)

» Guilty Secrets

shame? maybe...
I can recite an entire Mr Kipling advert from the eighties
(Fri 31st Aug 2007, 12:33, More)

» Road Rage

Silly bugger...and men can multi-task
I`ve never snapped at anyone...but a certain Shining Love Piglet, embarking upon road cycling for the first time, was slightly lax about hand signals. My leisurely change of lanes cues a deafening screech behind me, then a rapid accelerating "vroom" noise sprouting from just behind my right ear. A well polished and probably very nice car sidles up, with a bespectacled gent shaking his fist at me and roaring


Never been called that name before or since, and frankly, I deserved it.

Incidentally, over here in sunny J-pan, I saw a guy riding a bicycle (not exactly at a crawl) whilst holding an umbrella, smoking a cigarette and reading a manga at the same time. Respect.
(Fri 13th Oct 2006, 3:46, More)
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