» Horrible things I've done to a loved one

technically not to one I loved
Some years ago I was trying to extricate myself from a relationship with a bloke who had been lovely for 3 weeks but had then turned into psycho paranoid twat. He worked shifts and would finish work sometimes at 0200hrs and then fetch up at my place with keys he refused to return to me. I couldn't get the locks changed as I was totally skint. I used to leave the key in the lock to stop him getting in but my dogs would raise holy hell and to save the neighbours sanity I had to get up and let the bastard in, he would usually then search the house for secret lovers and then demand I cook him a meal. If I refused he would launch into a tirade about how he 'couldn't continue to love me ' if I kept being so difficult.I got a bit tired of this as I had to be up at 0600 to do the horses and then go to work. My dogs also became a target for him and he would threaten to take them away and dump them somewhere or kill them, so I was completely demoralised and tired all the time. I couldn't get rid of him , he just would not leave me alone, and the police in the 80's were not interested until he actually murdered me. I hatched a plan which took a while to perfect, but I bided my time and eventually one day after his night shift he fell asleep after eating all my food, I got his keys out of his trousers without him waking up. I removed my door keys, and there in my palm were his shiny new bmw keys. I went out taking my dogs with me , and as they were excited about going out I thought I would give them a run down the fields then leave them with my neighbour whilst I did the deed. I then decided to kill two birds with one stone, put the dogs in his new BMW and drove it about 5 miles to a well known spot near Buckingham along the A421 where the dogging fraternity gathered.
It was hidden from the main road, the river on one side and a stone bridge that had been bypassed when they improved the road was a perfect spot. I walked the dogs about 5 miles up the river , they played, ran , and got very very dirty.
I then went back to the car, took off the number plates, shat in the boot, and scratched a rude word beginning with c on the bonnet.
I then walked home across the fields.
When got home, it was still asleep but stirred, and demanded food.
'who are you? I said, what are you doing in my house ,started screaming and generally feigned a nervous breakdown cross psycho woman type event. He was very groggy after being asleep and just could not take it in, I was dishevelled after a wintery walk with my dogs, it was getting dark, I was screaming and brandishing a broom handle, so he just looked at me and said I will come back when you have calmed down. I continued to 'no recognise' him and picked up the phone and said I was calling the police. He went out of my house, where upon I locked the door and started dancing about my house. At this point I must point out I lived in a very old end of terrace converted cottage thing, there were six in a row out in the wilds of Buckinghamshire and up a dark lane with no lighting. He must have got into the car park and feeling for car keys not found them and he came back to my door started hammering on it. It was raining and windy. I smiled back at him through the frosted window, then poked a large knife through the letterbox and told him to fuck off.

He did...
I have no idea what happened after that, except when the police arrived I was cleaned up. I was lucid, I was polite, I denied knowing him. My neighbour was round with me having a glass of wine, and she bless her denied knowing him as well.

he had never bothered to learn my dogs names, or knew where I worked as I had changed jobs and not bothered to tell him, so the police went away.


I think it took about 2 weeks for his car to be found, stripped of wheels and burned out. I didn't do that, but applaud the people who did.

I had accidentally thrown the keys in the river.

I still hate the bastard.
And MICHAEL JAMES if I ever set eyes on you again, I will spit in your face.
(Sun 19th Jun 2011, 15:12, More)

» Food sabotage

food sabotage
Some years ago I had the misfortune to be romantically involved with control freak bloke. He worked shifts and was in the habit of turning up at all hours and eating the contents of my fridge. I made a pie out of dog food mince...spiced it up a bit, made it look nice with pastry from the depths of my freezer. When I got home from work it was gone...
He was unwell for quite some time.
I dumped him too.
(Fri 19th Sep 2008, 16:49, More)

» More Pet Stories


Sooooo my dog Jack caught a huge squirrel this morning( Dec 15th actually...I posted this on facebook) ....but he would NOT leave it alone and carry on our walk, so I picked it up and put it in my big inside pocket until I could find somewhere to dispose of it ...or give it a fitting funeral at home. We carried on walking and he forgot about it, then we met a friend and her dog and stopped for a chat...then the squirrel woke up.......I felt a godawful squirming inside my jacket and but before I could get my jacket zip down more than 3 inches it burst from my jacket and dropped to the ground.
The spaniel wrenched the lead from his owners hand, almost garotted her daughter, she started screaming, the spaniel and jack chased the squirrel to the trees, the spaniels lead got caught on undergrowth, then jack tripped over it, they had a disagreement, the squirrel ran up the tree, jack saw it and stood, barking at it 20 ft up in the tree,it panicked, made a leap for the adjacent tree, missed its footing and landed at the feet of the screaming child, at which point jack decided now was a good time to catch it and murder it, so the child is now traumatised from witnessing squirrelcide and jack still wouldn't leave it so I had to put it in my jacket pocket.......
(Wed 6th Feb 2013, 18:55, More)

» Racist grandparents

Racist Boyfriend
Some time ago I was reunited with an ex boyfriend who had suffered a stroke. It had affected his memory so had forgotten what a cunt he was to me .....so being the 'forgiving type' I helped him out for a while with paperwork, banking and the like as he had lost his ability to read. We were walking through the local shopping centre ( ok it was Milton Keynes) when he announced to the world that fucking boo boo's got in the way and that they should fuck off back to boo boo land. It transpired that 'boo boo's 'were his name for African people as their accent sounded unintelligible to him due to his stroke. It also transpired he had a thing about Indians and Pakistani people and the irish... pretty much the whole worlds nationalities, and pretty much anyone he didn't know.
He is West Indian, and an illegal immigrant, and living off the social. He is a twat.I don't speak to him anymore.
(Fri 28th Oct 2011, 17:00, More)

» Irrational Hatred

another list
1. the use of the word Eldest to describe the OLDEST of more than 2, it should be the ELDER of the two or the OLDEST of the Group...Daily Mail take note!
2. People who stand on escalators.
3. The use of 'too' when it should be 'to'...i.e 'where are you going too' Argh!
3. Old people who drive very pokey cars at 30mph...don't buy a subaru impreza if you are not going to have the decency to hoon!
4.people who ask if you saw 'whatever' last night on TV and when told NO I SKY+ed it but then continue to tell you the plot, bastards.
4.People that come to me during the course of my work who say 'can I ask a question? ( you mean 2 questions then).....thats the question allowance used up you cretin!
5.Men told to wait with the trolley where the wife has told them and there is no budging them even if you want something from that shelf.
6. Children
7. Women that will bring whatever conversation you are having round to their vile offspring
8. Dr's receptionists
9. Fat women, eat less exercise more and quit fucking moaning ..!
10 Fat people with too tight clothes...buy a bigger size porkster.
11.People with no common sense, could include the government in there. I worked for a very intelligent high court judge who cleaned bird shit off his brand new BMW with a Brillo pad...yet he interviewed Maggie Thatcher about her part in the Arms to Iraq inquiry.
12. Bus travelers
13. Pen clickers, chair swivvelers and foot jigglers
14. People who make lists! rant over
thank you
(Fri 1st Apr 2011, 17:00, More)