b3ta.com user The Lump
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Profile for The Lump:
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I enjoy lazing about and not doing much. I go to Southampton Uni and pretend to learn stuff, all the while cultivating my plans for world domination. As you can tell, I lead a very fulfilling life.
A usual day for me mainly consists of irritating people, shouting at kids, poking Steven Hawking with a pole (he lives in my basement and does my ironing). Then there is the plundering, I like to loot and pillage everyday before bed time.
Maybe one day I might put something here that isn't 75% bullshit. Keep your eyes peeled kiddies.

Recent front page messages:


Best answers to questions:

» World's Sickest Joke

Practical Jokes Are Jokes Too
I have a flat mate known as Will the Bastard and his title is well deserved. I met him on the first day of uni and one of the first things he told me were these 'fun games' to play.

Angry Pirate.
After pulling a girl at a night club you take her home and do her doggy style. Before your chap shoots his load pull out and spit on her back so she thinks you've finished the deed. When she turns round shoot your load into her eye. She'll hold her hand over it like an eye-patch and shout ARRRRR!

Your mates conceal themselves in your room before you bring a girl back there. Get down to the dirty deed, once more doing her doggy. When all your chums jump out and shout BUCK-A-ROONY you have to grab on to the tart and see how long you can hold on.

Fat Bitch Baiting.
Go up to the fattest, ugliest girl you can find in a club, wrap your arms tightly around her and whisper "you're the ugliest bitch I've ever seen." See how long you can hold on for.

You get bonus points if you play all 3 on the same girl.
(Tue 6th Dec 2005, 14:35, More)

» Pure Ignorance

School trips are great
One day back in my youth when I was carefree and innocent I happened to be on a coach with the school on a trip to somewhere or another. We were passing a field and I heard the girl behind me say 'Look at all those skinny cows!' I couldn't help but laugh when her friend who was sitting next to her said 'Actually Jade, those are goats.'
(Fri 7th Jan 2005, 1:12, More)

» Teenage Poetry

Ode To Maxy P
I have a question, though I'm not sure its frequently asked...

Why does Maximus touch me in lessons so?
It worries me to watch,
His hands they their make way upon my leg,
And up onto my crotch.

I do not care for such attention,
It is plain for all to see,
That he lusts for my pets, not myself,
For bestiality.

A Ferret's pecker, or a Budgerigar's wang,
I'm sure they all will please
The craving desire, of a boy
Who perceives it to be a tease.

When cattle turn and flee for him,
Playing hard to get are they?
No dear Max it is not true!
They do not swing that way.
(Sat 13th Aug 2005, 17:03, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

in my a level history lessons
I had to sit next to a guy called Ben, and to put it mildly he was rather crazy. He was always coming out with scary 'jokes' here are some of his favourites:

What is the difference between 10 dead babies and a ferrari?
I don't have a ferrari in my garage.

Why did the baby fall off the swing?
Because it was dead.

Why did the baby fall off its tricycle?
Because I threw a brick at it.

What did the blind, deaf, wheelchair little girl get for her birthday?

Why didn't little Jimmy the criple get any Christmas presents?
Because he got crucified.

He also had a habit of drawing strange pictures and writing creepy things underneath them. For example under a scrawled picture of a dead girl he wrote "Dead girls don't say no" and "Just because she is dead doesn't mean she doesn't give good head."

Well it helped pass the time I guess... Just as long as he was sitting a long way a way.
(Fri 10th Sep 2004, 13:56, More)