b3ta.com user shambla
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Recent front page messages:

Two works of art for the price of one....

(Thu 24th May 2007, 2:06, More)

This should liven it up....

(Wed 23rd May 2007, 22:21, More)

I know all there is to know......

(Sun 10th Sep 2006, 15:02, More)


(Mon 14th Aug 2006, 20:05, More)

If Ed Wood had made Lord of the Rings

(Mon 13th Feb 2006, 20:56, More)

If the Wachowski brothers had made The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

(Sat 11th Feb 2006, 17:40, More)

Go David, go David, Go David........

(Sun 29th Jan 2006, 14:13, More)


(Mon 16th Jan 2006, 13:14, More)

Bad choice of Christmas present....

(Sat 31st Dec 2005, 18:18, More)

I see that the American version of this ad has been released.....

(Fri 30th Dec 2005, 17:48, More)

Vlad the impala

I'm sorry
(Sat 29th Oct 2005, 17:12, More)

I'm all for this new UK 'Avenue of the Stars'


edit/ Yarrrr!
(Mon 19th Sep 2005, 17:34, More)

If cartoons were real #32
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(Tue 6th Sep 2005, 16:06, More)

Go Ferret
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(Mon 22nd Aug 2005, 23:04, More)

Wildlife Wrestling Federation?
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(Sat 13th Aug 2005, 14:27, More)

As requested, a sneak preview of the royal wedding reception
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(Wed 6th Apr 2005, 22:17, More)

Little known celebrity facts #346 : Stevie Wonder kicks ass at Counter Strike
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(Sat 22nd Jan 2005, 17:00, More)

I can only apologise

(Sun 21st Nov 2004, 21:15, More)

Best answers to questions:

» I just don't get it

Shoe shops
Why is it that when I go to a shoe shop and ask for a size ten pair of plimsolls, after an hour of storeroom rummaging the assistant comes back and says

“Sorry Sir, we don’t have a 10, but we do have a 4.”

What fucking use is that?

“That's a fucking stroke of luck, I can wear that one on my other polio-ridden Jeremy Beadle foot”
(Tue 5th Apr 2005, 12:46, More)

» Shit Stories

Bit long I am afraid, but it’s always made me laff.
Somehow some friends and I had managed to get invited to a vague acquaintance's house warming party. Having been viewed with suspicion for the evening, being virtual strangers to everyone else at the party, things were not exactly going swimmingly. Anyway, all of a sudden one of my mates runs into the front room and announces that its time we were going. Presuming that he was as bored as the rest of us, we followed. It was only on the walk home that the truth came out. My mate had gone to the newly decorated bathroom for a peaceful shit. About half way through someone had knocked on the door. As he got up and flushed he realised that the turd he had produced was massive and particularly buoyant. After a couple more flushes and more frantic knocking at the door he decided more drastic action was required. Spotting a loo brush he decided it would be a good idea to push the offending turd down the u-bend with it. After a good rummage he looked down to find that, success, the beast had gone. But then, to his horror he realised it had not flushed, but was stuck to the loo brush. Not to worry, one flick of the wrist would send it back into the bowl. Unfortunately, the faeces were removed on the backstroke of the flick and were splashed across the wall. Now with mad door rattling and knocking coming from outside, my mate set about ‘removing the evidence.’ Unluckily there was only a brand new set of white towels to do it with. After another ten minutes smearing excreta around the walls, in the sink and around the toilet bowl he decided to give up. Opening the door to a desperate looking girl he announced in a moment of bizarre excuse making, “there were some scallys in here but I chased them off.” This was the moment he came running into the front room. He has never lived it down.
(Thu 6th May 2004, 9:02, More)

» People with Stupid Names

Was at university
with a Malaysian called Kok hang Lo, apparently it didnt though.
(Sun 29th Aug 2004, 15:03, More)