b3ta.com user Rev. A-MOL
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Recent front page messages:

When TV franchises get overstretched...

(Tue 5th Apr 2005, 11:19, More)


Oooh! Ta!
/gives Kappa Alpha Omega Clique handshake

(Thu 14th Oct 2004, 20:34, More)


(Sat 9th Oct 2004, 8:22, More)

It cost more to maintain and attracted more tramps than Di's
but the Queen Mother Memorial Fountain was just what she would have wanted.

(Thu 8th Jul 2004, 13:46, More)


How's the board today? Less angsty than yesterday?
(Thu 13th May 2004, 8:00, More)

Everyone has embarassing pictures from their teenage years, with bad hair and terrible fashion sense

(Wed 12th May 2004, 8:08, More)

US TV went too far last night....

(Thu 22nd Apr 2004, 9:51, More)

Get well soon, Diego

(Mon 19th Apr 2004, 9:39, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Best Comebacks

At Uni, we had a formal night that landed on the same night as my 21st. The Powers that be decided this was a Hat Formal - people had to go in amusing headwear. I got twatted on a bottle of Pernod, and had told to be told this story myself.

There was a guy at Uni I hated after he told my future missus that she should be seeing someone better than me. We had a real simmering hatred. Anyway, as I went into the meal, wearing a crappy old Leeds Utd bobble hat I had since the age of 7, he walked past and sneered "What are you wearing?". My brilliant, witty reply, apparently delivered in my near comatose state in Oscar Wilde/Stephen Fry fashion as if it was the most stunning retort imagined:


That became my catchphrase until I graduated.
(Thu 29th Apr 2004, 14:36, More)

» Sticking it to The Man

Balls Up
A student (A grades, exceptional attitude, member of teams yadda...) told me she had been picked as one of ten kids from the school to speak to the Rt Hon Ed Balls back when he was still important. She asked me what she could ask him. I replied with "Is his home Wakefield as he claims, or down in London where he sends his kids?" and "Why do you and your wife spend so much of the taxpayers money?" as a playful joke.

Except she then looked up what I was talking about online, and entered the interview with a raft of uncomfortable questions. The headmaster yanked her out of there after two questions described by the politics teacher as "toe-curling perceptive".
(Thu 17th Jun 2010, 17:54, More)

» Messing with the Dark Side

The Haunted Science Lab
I work as a Science teacher at a school which, despite a lot of added-on buildings, has a bit of a creepy air about it. During my first half-term, I got a new Nokia phone and decided to have the noise of a girl laughing as my prompt for when I get a text (Nokia users, it's called "Cackle" and is on all polyphonic phones if you care).

During a Year 8 class, I was helping a group of rather timid girls with their experiment when, all of a sudden, I recieved a text from a mate organising the night's drinking. Unfortunately, as it was new and hadnt worked everything out, the laugh was loud and really noticeable. One of the girls turned and said "Did someone just laugh then?". As they all agreed, I played dumb and then, being an EVIL TWAT, mentioned to them that there were rumours of a little girl ghost wandering around the school.

Little did I know that this would lead to the entire lower school believing my lab is haunted, and lead to four girls crying hysterically when we had a lightening storm during the lesson.

I MIGHT come clean when they leave in Year 11.
(Fri 21st Apr 2006, 11:59, More)

» Gambling

At University, I used to sit down with a bunch of friends for WWF/E Raw on a Friday night, betting pints on matches. No-one seemed to realised for three years that the show was shown on Monday in the US, with the results easily available on the new-fangled interweb.

Always remember, you have to lose a few to make it convincing.
(Mon 11th May 2009, 19:53, More)

» Old People Talk Bollocks

Bit of a long one.
My Grandad was at Dunkirk. He told all eight of his grandchildren of that day and he would raise his left hand, show the stump of his little finger and say "I lost that in machinery, trying to help an injured colleague onto the boat". We all sat in awe, looking at the sacrifice our gallant grandfather had made.

The first Xmas after his death, my Grandma understandably got a bit maudlin on the sherry. We started talking about the old guy, and I mentioned his "war injury". My father and grandmother looked puzzled and asked what I was talking about. It turned out, he had a genetic condition that causes the little finger to curl in, reducing your hand to a claw. To prevent this happening, he had his finger lopped off in 1972. The lying git.

Even better, I'm getting the same thing with my finger now. Can't wait to regale the kids with the story of how I lost it pulling Saddam out of a hole.
(Thu 11th Mar 2004, 14:01, More)
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