b3ta.com user b3rnie c
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» Embarrassing Injuries

mr burns
i got a carpet burn on my head, but it isn't for the embarrasing reason u probably all think. I fell out of bed. I was in my early twenties at the time so i thought id pretty much mastered the art of sleeping succesfully. Apperently not. it was a double bed as well.

The worst thing about the whole thing was that i woke up in mid air, and i was a little suprised to put it mildly. In fact somehow I managed to process the information of what was happening to me, realise there was nothing I could do about it, and think "boll..."

Actualy the worst thing about it was explaining myself in the pub the day after
(Thu 2nd Sep 2004, 16:44, More)

» Guilty Pleasures

every now and again with no provacation, i like to make a noise like a lion to myself. A noise somwhere between a roar and a purr (sorta like rraow). It makes me really happy (?)
(Thu 7th Apr 2005, 18:04, More)

» World's Most Hated Food

My dad made me try rollmops, its pickled herring wrapped in a pickle.
I'd have prefered it if he was a nonce
(Mon 12th Jul 2004, 21:04, More)

» Mini Cabs From Hell

worst journey ever
about 5mins into a long taxi ride once, i realised that i was listening to a black lace album.
*shudders like elvis*
(Thu 27th May 2004, 1:22, More)

» The Police

scary policemen
Me and a friend were having a fit of nostalgia once, and deceided we missed drinking like we did before we could get served. Namely, getting drunk on 8% turpentine based cheap cider (our offy's was 'pulse', Im sure you all had your own local versions).
The night went very badly for us because we deceided to drink this teenage filth AND go to local to engage in big boy pants, pint drinking.

On the walk home from this very messy drinking session we passed our local primary school I said wistfully
"You know the days are gone when my idea of fun was to climb onto the roof of that school"

my friend replied
"you know what? I never have"

"What? you've never climbed the school roof? you've never lived my good man. what? dangerous? don't be so camp"

So about 10 minutes later, after a very dangerous climb we stopped to catch our breath, exchange a manly hug and survey the grey, banal world around us from our lofty, godlike perches. While we were having a tour of the roof my friend accidently put his foot through a sky light. We thought it might be a bit dangerous after all and deceided to leave.
After an even more dangerous climb down we walked across the school field toward home.
Suddenly we were surrounded by 8 baton wielding, policemen. They were all wearing stab vest's and shining lights in our faces. One of them screamed at us too "get down on the fucking floor" so they could search us for weapons. they then very manfully handled us toward one of the waiting policecars and drove us 15 houses away, across the road to the local police station. Oh yeah, I hadn't mentioned that had I? the police station was less than a minutes walk away from the school. In fact we got a good look at it from the top of the school roof

::bernie smacks himself on forehead::

During the questioning they told us that they hadn't spotted us through any paticular dilegence of the theirs i.e. looking through their window. Apparently when my friend broke the skylight it triggered a silent alarm. The police thought a bugulary was in progress and thats why they responded in such a heavy handed way.

After a little questioning they saw (and smelt no doubt) that we were just a couple of drunk morons, so they put is in a room out of the way. After the initial fear had passed we both relaxed a bit. Then about an hour later the worlds scariest policeman came in and started screaming at us in such an aggressive way that I thought he would happily beat the living shit out of us if he could, I thought that because thats what he told us. I still shudder a little even now thinking about him.

Anyway, they kept us in for another couple of hours, but we didn't have to spend the night in a cell and no further action was taken.

Me and my friend have another anecdote about a run in with the police, but I'll save that for the question of the week
"Im glad a crashed the wedding: At the town hall"
(Fri 23rd Sep 2005, 13:24, More)
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