b3ta.com user Paolo
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Recent front page messages:


(Fri 30th Jan 2004, 13:59, More)


(Tue 8th Jul 2003, 12:57, More)

(Thu 3rd Jul 2003, 12:07, More)

A Dog ...
...For the deaf
(Fri 14th Feb 2003, 12:42, More)

Spielberg revealed his darker side in E.T- the Directors cut ...

Bigass version: (www.PaulRayment.org.uk/extraT.gif)
(Sun 19th Jan 2003, 14:12, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Well, that taught 'em

Once at uni ...
... a few years back, I was walking through a car park on my way to the campus and I came across a fellow student pushing a very heavy trolley full of 1p coins in plastic sacks. Turns out, much to his disapproval, he had lost the deposit on his student house, so to get back at the landlord he paid him back the £200 odd quid in small change. Genuis.
(Mon 30th Apr 2007, 18:02, More)

» Restaurants, Kitchens and Bars... Oh my!

Cafe Rouge
A few years ago as a skint student I took a job at Cafe Rouge. The kitchen was at the top of the building, about four floors over a very dark, rat infested alley where the bins were kept. On slow days we had no excuse not to piss around and have a bit of a laugh. On one of those slow days the head chef started filling a bin (a full size garbage bin) and told me to wait in the alley below. I walked down the fire escape stairs into the alley and waited for a few minutes (It obviously took a while to fill the bin). When I heard the chef pulling the bin to the door I decided to seek some shelter, then just as I found some he tipped the enitire bin of water over the edge and onto a power box mounted on the wall ... which exploded ...
(Fri 21st Jul 2006, 15:08, More)

» Pretentious bollocks

Derek JAAAaaaarrmmmannnn .... YYAAAWWWNNNNNN!!!
Derek Jarman's, 'Blue' --- THE most utterly pointless load of extreme bollocks ... A film with no visuals, just a blue screen, and somebody narrating some pretentious poetry wankshite over the top ... Here's some lines from the script (No, I didn't remember them. There's actually sites dedicated to this crap)

Look left
Look down
Look up
Look right
The camera flash
Atomic bright
The CMV - a green moon then the world turns magenta
My retina
Is a distant planet
A red Mars
From a Boy's Own comic
With yellow infection
Bubbling at the corner
I said this looks like a planet
The doctor says - "Oh, I think
It looks like a pizza"

What?? A pizza??? Wtf??! Imagine that sort of shite for HOURS ...
(Wed 28th Sep 2005, 20:16, More)

» How clean is your house?

Cup of tea anyone?
A friend of mine had a typically grimy student house. The kitchen always had a pile of old washing up in and around the sink. He once made a cup of tea for his housemate who drank most of it and probably quite enjoyed it, up to the point where he found an inch thick layer of partially dissovled mould at the bottom. He was sick for over a week afterwards.
(Fri 26th Mar 2010, 14:01, More)

» Injured Siblings

Straw Dinosaur
Not a physical injury, but ...

When I was a kid I used to be into making models - Airfix planes, boats, that sort of shite. But for one especially gay birthday my parents brought me a 'straw model kit'... It consisted of loads of paper straws and an instruction booklet with diagrams of how to 'weave' the straws into various models. Confident of my straw weaving skills I decided to go straight to the very last, and hardest to make model ... A bloody great Dinosaur. To make that beast required pretty much the entire pack of straws but I was sure I could do it.

Fast forward a couple of weeks and my Dinosaur is almost complete. I think all I had to weave was a couple of legs before that badboy was finished. Then, my brother, two years older than me, decides to start a fight ... It was our usual kind of fight, I tried to roundhouse him - failed and fell over instead. Then he pinned me down, grabbed the nearest thing and started hitting me over the head with it. What was it? My Dinosaur ... Now a shredded lump of paper straws ...

Serves me right ... Should've stuck with the straw flower vase.
(Sat 20th Aug 2005, 14:16, More)
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