b3ta.com user parttimedogfish
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» Cringe!

my brother told the joke
"what's the only thing harder than nailing a dead baby to a tree?
My cock when I'm doing it"
In the pub. To our mum.
(Thu 27th Nov 2008, 20:10, More)

» Bodge Jobs

I used to work on the remedial jobs for an electrical contractor that did work for the local council
So I have seen plenty of bodged jobs.
Highlights include:
A bloke who had installed a light in his loft using only a single core and earth cable, connecting the earth to the neutral, then wondered why the power tripped off when he went in the loft after he'd had his fuse box changed
Another tenant who my colleage used to work in the pit with, who swears he didn't do it, but had 3 sockets in his living room that were wired in blasting wire, of the sort that was used in the mines

And let's not forget the method of clearing faults at the place I currently work. There are a lot of sodium lights where I work and every now and then the insulation in their (up to 40 year old) ballasts will break down and create a short circuit, thus plunging a large area into darkness as the fuse blows. Rather than testing the circuit to find the fault, the usual method involves The Doctor. The Doctor is a 63 amp fuse, which doesn't blow because the wiring is in such poor condition. It is inserted into the fuseboard for about 20 seconds, to allow plenty of current to flow through the delicate wiring of the ballast and blow the fault clear. Then it's just a case of inserting a new 10 amp fuse and finding the light that doesn't come back on.
(Thu 10th Mar 2011, 14:20, More)

» Best and worst TV ads

do they realise they're giving free publicity to comparethemarket.com?
(Tue 20th Apr 2010, 9:37, More)

» The most childish thing you've done as an adult

Whenever I see a goose, or especially if I see a gaggle of them
I start honking like one.
This is amusing on long car journeys or walks in the countryside, but not long ago I was driving on my own through the Yorkshire Dales and espied a field full of geeses. I had driven about 3 miles before I thought to myself what the FUCK are you doing? before carrying on for the next mile or so.
(Mon 21st Sep 2009, 18:26, More)

» Putting the Fun in Funeral

My mother's friend's dad died
so the arrangements were all carried out, the coffin was bought, flowers were arranged, and music was chosen to be played as the coffin was lowered in.
This caused a problem.

The dead guy's widow arranged to have the music from Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (everything I do) played as the coffin was lowered. But the funeral director obviously wasn't listening, so as the coffin was being lowered into the grave, all of a sudden everyone hears "Robin Hood, Robin Hood, riding through the glen..." and starts rolling around on the floor laughing.
The funeral director thought it was a bit of an odd choice...
(Thu 11th May 2006, 23:49, More)
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