Yeah, yeah, yeah...
I never claimed to be creative.

The children's resemblance to their mother was uncanny.

EDIT: Yay, my first fp!
(Sat 19th Apr 2003, 19:59, More)

» Embarrassing Injuries

This one time, at summer camp
I rolled out of a bunk bed in the middle of the night and onto the cold cement floor... some 6+ feet below (the beds were huuuge!) only to come to with some 15 or so 8-10 year old girls standing over me, staring and trying not to giggle. I was teased for days - only babies fall out of their cribs? whatever...

Despite the fact that I was unconscious for close to an hour, could hardly move my head from side to side, couldn't move my jaw at all, and went blind at random for the next 12 hours, my cabin's counselor refused to let me see the nurse until well into the afternoon the next day. Bloody teenage idiots. Probably thought she'd lose her lame job for my falling out of the bed in my sleep.

Pity, though. I never told my parents how truly bad the experience was. Could've sued someone I'm sure, and not been piss poor as I'm writing this.

EDIT (I feel inspired): Oh, also, when I was 14, I refused to do an assignment in geometry class as I wasn't feeling well and didn't want to do anything but lie my head down on the desk. I thought I'd emphasise the point by stabbing the metal pointy end of my compass down into the desktop, and ended up pinning my hand to it instead via the skin between thumb and pointer finger, much to the delight of my fellow classmates.

Not me but - when I was 12 I pushed a really annoying girl who kept trying to bump her chest against me ?in a manly display of agression? - she stepped backwards about two feet, her arm hit a sapling tree that was about two inches in width and promptly broke into the most impressive compound fracture I've ever seen... nature can be so cruel.

Last week I developed a sort of mild sunburn after losing my lighter and constantly lighting my smokes off my gas stove...

I also constantly walk into the exposed ends of my bedframe in the dark, which results in several oddly shaped cuts and scrapes on my shins.

When I was 8, I decided to shave my legs for the first time ever (I was a young woman, dammit!) and couldn't figure out what the strange pasty-white strip was lying in the bottom of the tub until I realized I'd shaved off a centimetre-wide strip of flesh directly on top of my shin... I figure now at least, I have that much less leg to shave...

I also nicked up my face quite wonderfully as a toddler trying to mimic daddy's shaving...

Whilst horsing around in a dive bar my friends and I used to frequent, we were doing cartwheels and round-offs, when I did a rather impressive round off and landed all my weight on my right heel, which promptly fractured. I didn't realize it because of the amount of alcohol consumed, and it was a bitch trying to drive my manual-transmission to the hospital while trying not to actually use the accelerator...

I ran an ATV into a 6" diameter tree at 2mph and managed to not only break a bone in my right hand, but also to aquire a rather large lovely scar on my right leg from not being able to move my hand off the accelerator to stop the tires turning...

I have a pencil lead stuck in the palm of my right hand - I'm not sure exactly when it got there, but there's a lovely scar over the top of it from my repeated, failed attempts to remove said lead by slicing it open and going at it with a pair of tweezers over the past 10+ years...

I once injured the hubby by going at it rather vigorously and catching his pride in the joint of hip+leg... :/

I've slammed my own tits in a door multiple times, though I'm not sure how...

When I was 18, I managed to grow a clit the size of a walnut by falling some 4+ feet onto a metal pipe... everything in the area swelled, I could hardly sit or pee for days...

Not really an injury, but last year I had to go to the ER after eating 2+ pounds of chocolate covered coffee beans in the course of 30 minutes in the middle of a manic phase... I was so high from the mania+beans that I was bouncing around the waiting room, trying to sprint in the hospital halls. I started to show signs of caffiene poisoning and the nurses doped me up and stuck me in the ICU overnight... can't stand the sight/smell of coffee beans now...

I managed to jam my finger earlier tonight while driving around Toronto - shifted gears and stuck it straight into the dash... didn't mention it to any of the passengers though *flex* hurts like hell now though :(

When I was 15, I ran headfirst into a sliding glass door with a little stained glass angel on it (you'd think the angel would have clued me into the door's existance...), and the suction cup hook holding it caught me right in the middle of the forehead - a nice little bump grew up in the spot, and I told everyone it was a horrible zit...

Last Christmas I worked night stock at a toy store, and while holding a few boxes of My Little Ponies, I slipped on the nasty, dusty floor and sprained my wrist really badly. There's a lovely security cam in the stockroom - I could hear my manager & coworkers laughing. She wasn't laughing when I filled out the workman's comp forms and got paid time & a half for three days work AND screwed up their "XXX days without injury" record...

After the Toronto Maple Leafs won a home game, traffic was really crazy-heavy in downtown Toronto and I managed to do a half backwards fall half soumersalt into the middle of Younge and mash my face into a sewer grate - I got tons of cheers from Leafs fans, but I had lovely square-shaped knots in my forehead for two days!

I'm not apologising for length. Why should I? Men never do...
(Sat 4th Sep 2004, 7:49, More)

» Jobsworths

I dyed my hair "Hot Hot Pink"
I went to the charity casino near here (Ontario) with a friend, around 3am on a weekday, when it's dead.

I'd brought my (US) passport because it's easier to use as an ID than trying to remove my driver's license from the little ID pocket in my wallet.

The security guard ID's me (I'm 25 & apparently I look 12...), and I hand him my passport. He doesn't even open it. He tells me he can't accept it because it's not a valid Canadian ID. I argue that the LCBO (ie. liquor store) accepts it as valid ID, and they're actually a government business. No dice. Cue me patting my jacket pocket and discovering that my wallet's in the car. I go out to the car, get the wallet, manage to wrest the license from its depths...

My hair colour on the license is listed as brown, and in the picture it's brown. The guy gives me trouble about it. Then he complains that he can't run it through the scanner to make sure it's valid and I'm not some sort of criminal, or banned (because it's scratched). Him IDing me lasts for about 15 minutes, while he puts scotch tape on my license, rubs it in his hair, etc (all those things clerks try when your credit/debit card doesn't work). He doesn't even card my friend, who's 5 years younger than me.

We're there thirty minutes, and I run out to the car to get some tylenol, leaving my wallet with my friend at the slot machines. Cue the guard ID'ing me again. Repeat process with problems with passport as ID. Except, now, my wallet's *in* the casino, and he's refusing to either a.) escort me to it, or b.) call my friend to the counter over the intercom.

(20 minutes later) Thankfully, she comes looking for me, problem solved. Another 15 minutes go by, and she wants her jacket from my car. For some reason, I go out and get it. Repeat entire carding process, with me wresting my license from my wallet and presenting it to the guard.

We hang around for about an hour, and I leave to go to the car to get some feminine products. On the way, I *talk* to the guard to explain that I will be right back. He nods.

I come back. He ID's me again, telling me he's never seen me before. I was very polite before, but this time... I lost it. I grab my friend, and head for the door, shouting with disbelief...

"HOW MANY WOMEN DO YOU HAVE COMING IN AND OUT OF HERE WITH HOT PINK HAIR?!"

Jerk.
(Thu 12th May 2005, 14:04, More)

» Clients Are Stupid

Tech Support is Stupid
Or at least they need a broader knowledge base...

When we first got our DSL, Windows XP had just been released, and we had several computers in our home we planned on networking behind a router.

My husband did all the work on the network, and he is competent, he works IT for a local school board... anyway, at the time we hadn't actually bought the router, so we had a proxy running linux. After several failed attempts to get connected to the internet, we had determined that the modem itself was faulty, and called to have it replaced.

The tech support guy I ended up talking to first wanted me to verify that it wasn't working, and asked me what OS I was running. I told him he could have his pick of 95, 98SE, XP, or Mandrake, and I would hook the damn thing to whichever machine he wanted. So, we started with the 95 machine.... then 98, before we end up on the XP machine.

Now, I know XP is great in that it doesn't need the idiotic software that the DSL provider sends you, but the guy on the phone can't seem to grasp this concept, and we're no closer to getting a new modem, so I go ahead and try to install the software anyway, which promptly informs me that it requires 95 or 98 to run, and won't install. This seriously seemed to irk the tech guy who keeps telling me that we should have the XP disc, that it says so in our account information.

So 3 days pass and we've gotten a new disc in the mail, this time for XP, and I've called them back daily which only results in repeating this entire ordeal over and over again. (I even tried asking for a supervisor) So, I call them back and ask for the original tech I'd talked to and we install the software and the modem still won't connect.

Meanwhile this guy keeps asking me if I've recieved the help emails he's been sending me...

Anyway, by this time we're right pissed, as we don't want to switch to cable (we live in an apartment building and it's pure shit), and this guy is of no help at all.

So he wants to start the entire process over again, except this time, he's telling me to hook the modem to this or that machine and adjust settings and whatnot, and I'm sitting on the couch making grunting noises into the phone and watching TV, after giving up all hope... finally this tech guy gets pissed and tells me he can't figure it out, that the modem must be broken, then slams down the phone and hangs up on me.

So now I'm fuming, I call back and ask to talk to the supervisor of the first person I get on the phone and explain what's just happened. He refers me to his supervisor, who refers me to HIS supervisor, who ends up referring me to a guy who works in billing to have them send me a new modem. A few minutes of casual conversation and explaining the situation and the billing guy says "You hooked it to the linux machine and it didn't work? Obviously the modem's broken..."

So now I call the billing department for tech support....


Holy... I ramble too much, sorry :)
(Mon 29th Dec 2003, 23:08, More)

» Take my Mother-in-law...

Oh my god, who came up with this question?
My husband and I separated and then started dating again, and we're making an attempt at reconciliation.

This doesn't stop my m-i-l from repeatedly trying to dump me in his name.

Things she's told me:
- Husband is too afraid to dump me, so he asked her to do it. PS. He doesn't want to see you again.
- He's using me for sex.
- He says I'm awful in bed (seriously, how can you say this to your daughter-in-law with a straight face minutes after walking in on the two of us in the act?)
- The Province told her I'm forbidden to see my daughter.
- My daughter thinks of her as her mother now, and not me (she supports this by pointing out how daughter runs through list of names before deciding who you are - she generally calls everyone DaddyMommyGrandmaMommyDaddy*scream of frustration for not getting the right name*, even my friends...)
- Husband has found a new girlfriend, and they're engaged (What? Since when? You think he'd have mentioned it...)
- Husband has {insert incurable disease here} and only {insert short period of time here} left to live.

It used to bother me at first, but the only thing that really angers me now is that the hubby won't tell her to butt out and mind her own business.

I also wonder if she really believes all of these things...

ZOMGWTFBBQ
(Sun 11th Sep 2005, 6:06, More)

» Scary Neighbours

Good lord
I made this ages ago.

And it's all still true.

See, the elephants that live upstairs... though I suppose now they sound more like rutting animals... but it goes on all day, and men come and go...

And downstairs? The smoke, good lord... all day, all night, pot, hash, crack... the man smokes it all... it's worse in the winter...

And every time I shower, the lady upstairs flushes her toilet repeatedly... *cries*

I pay them back though. Oh yes, the retribution is sweet indeed...
(Thu 25th Aug 2005, 19:14, More)