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» In the Army Now - The joy of the Armed Forces

Not me, but my Grandad....
...kept a diary of his experiences in Normandy in 1944. Being shot at for a living? You can stick it...

This is the entry that sticks most in my mind

(Fri 24th Mar 2006, 17:08, More)

» Bad Management

Oh where to start...
The boss who told us "Our main problem is, we're too efficient".
(Thu 10th Jun 2010, 14:27, More)

» Crap meals out

I decided to take my slightly conservative parents to my favourite curry house. The food was good, the serive was excellent, but the mood was rather ruined by the drunken twat at the next table whose every second word was "f*ck", and his lower-on-the-food-chain-than-amoeba mates who seemed to think that continual swearing was the height of comedic brilliance. The meal for me was one long series of apologetic glances and rolling of eyes, while I braced myself for a comment along the lines of "I don't like your choice of restaurant" from my mum.. but bless her, as we passed the noisy table on our way out, she leant right over the table, looked the swearing man right in the eye and said, very quitely and sweetly, "I think you have a serious lack of self-esteem and you should seek help". Bless her.. the look on his face made it all worthwhile.
(Sun 30th Apr 2006, 22:17, More)

» School Projects

In junior school at the age of about 8 we were all told that on the next day we'd be making puppets and that we ought to bring in some materials (paper, cardboard, glue, etc) to use. I immediately went home and forgot all about it.

The next day everyone is turning up with bags of stuff. Some appeared to have brought the contents of their Dad's shed with them. I of course had nothing at all. Afraid of what the teacher might do to me I considered running away. On the way out of the classroom I spotted Fred, the class' pet gerbil. Fred had a nice big tank full of interesting stuff. Hmmm, I thought. Checking that nobody was looking I reached in and stole a toilet roll tube.

I went back to my seat, stole some marker pens and a few bits of tatty cloth from a girl opposite who wasn't looking and set about my task. I painted a face on the tube and used the cloth to make some hair and a big cloak. A page torn from an excercise book rolled into a cone made a wizard's hat. A pencil sellotaped to the back made a stick to hold him up with, and some work with scissors and a bit of wire I pulled from out of a bookcase gave him a mouth I could open and close. And there I had him - Gandalf, king of the Wizards.

I got a gold star for my inventiveness. Crime does pay.
(Wed 19th Aug 2009, 15:43, More)

» Singing the wrong words

Rage Against Cleaning products
My cousin told me he was once in a nightclub where they were playing Rage Against The Machine. The guy in front of him was jumping up and down singing

You've got a bucket on your head
You got a bucket on your fucking head
(Thu 27th Jan 2005, 14:08, More)
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