b3ta.com user Stretch
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» Accidental animal cruelty

Dark Alleyways....
At the age of about 12, I was walking to the shops with a friend of mine, Cheesie. We were taking a short cut down an alley way and the sun was going down...given the tree covering the alley was really quite dark. Cheesie was in front of me by a few metres and I spotted a rock in the centre of the path. I kicked it, quite hard and it went airborne, I shouted to cheesie as it was heading directly for him! He turned just in time to have the rock hit him straight in the stomach, he shouted in pain and the rock fell to the ground. When the rock reached the ground, it ran off... It was at this point I realisedd that the rock was actually a hedgehog and my mate Cheesie was now pulling spines out of his stomach!
(Mon 10th Dec 2007, 14:29, More)

» When I met the parents

My best friends ex...
My best mate was going out with this girl, a few years younger than him and quite pretty. Anyway they were getting along pretty well and he goes to her house to pick her up for the first time. Her parents were in and she leaves him in the front room with them while she finishes getting ready. As soon as she goes upstairs her dad says to my friend that he has something to show him, but, he must never tell his girlfriend about it. Sounds ominous ! He then turns on the video and plays him a video of his girlfriend absolutley wrecked and throwing up everywhere on her 18th Birthday! Apparently they recorded it without her realising/remembering and show it to every boyfriend she has....class- good to see some parents have a sense of humour !
(Thu 19th May 2005, 19:26, More)

» Road Rage

beware good weather...
A few summers ago, I was driving through my village on the way home, on a beautiful sunny day. I have the roof and doors off of my Bright yellow Fibreglass (Kit car) Jeep and am enjoying the great weather. All of a sudden this car comes flying out of a side turning and hits my car on the Front drivers side, I immediately go ballistic shouting and swearing for the driver to follow me to the car park a few 100yds away. Bearing in mind the roof was off everyone outside the pub nearby heard me shouting, remember this was aa fibreglass car and I had visions of disintegration.
Well the other car followed me round to the car park and I jumped out of the car to inspect the damage, still fuming! I looked at my car, no damage....I looked at hers, front indicator smashed and a great big scrape down half of the car...Yay, for my Bull bars !! I then turned round to the other driver and asked how the hell she had not seen a huge Bright and I mean Bright Yellow Jeep in broad daylight?

Her answer...

"Well, it is sun-coloured"
(Tue 17th Oct 2006, 13:59, More)

» Books

I'll be surprised if most of these haven't been covered, but, here goes
Anything by Haruki Murakami especially "Norwegian Wood"

Platform, Atomised etc by Michel Houellebecq - quite dark, but, very well written books, ver hard to put down

The books of the Marquis de Sade - interesting in the way that he can make the most foul act seem acceptable through the way he puts across his views and justifications.

The Dirt,Motley crue - the best Rock biography around for my money, even if you don't like the band it's a great read

Last, but, Definitely not least, the Schrodingers Cat trilogy and The Illuminatus Trilogy by Robert Anton Wilson - These books are great, well written and thoroughly enjoyable. Any book that can throw John Dillinger, many conspiracy type theories, Hagbard Celin and his Nautillus style submarine and a Pop concert that may bring about the end of the world has got to be worth reading.
(Mon 9th Jan 2012, 14:23, More)

» Near Death Experiences

The most scared my best mates ever been.......
When I was about 10, we were playing man hunt in the Grave yard, as you do...and i (being a bright spark) decided to hide in the top of one of the tall yew trees. Fasdt forward 10 minutes and 2 of my mates are climbing up the tree to get me, so I do what any other 10 yr old with no sense of danger would do .... and run around the tree to escape capture, untill stepping on a twig, which broke and sent me falling from the top of the tree. My best mate who was standing at the bottom of the tree looked on in horror as I hit the top of a headstone with the middle of my back, bent double the wrong way and bounced off to land on my knees at the foot of the tree.....needless to say, breathing wasn't easy....still think i should have gone to A&E rather than my grans for tea,biscuits and rest !!
(Wed 1st Dec 2004, 14:26, More)
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