b3ta.com user prescottspies
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» The Police

community service
when i were a teenage whippersnapper i used to walk a dog for an elderly lady on my old paper round route.

one hungover sunday morning i was sleepily making my way over to her house when a stripey 206 pulls over next to me. after the usual questioning, where did i live, where was i going etc, i was thrown over the police car without warning and searched. finding nothing, they let me go, only to have a twunting police helicopter follow me overhead until i had picked up the dog and headed into the woods.

when i returned the dog to the old lady she informed me that my clear description had been put out on local radio, warning the public to stay away and call police. apparently i was breaking into cars with a screwdriver and threatening to kill people, but it turned out the guy they wanted was 2 foot taller than me, blonde and wearing completely different clothes.

anyway, best bit (apart from the helicopter part was that after making a complaint (how could i resist?) i got an official pig apology sent to my pager! w00t!

apologies for length, but thats the nature of incidents with the police
(Sat 24th Sep 2005, 10:44, More)

» Strict Parents

Crazy misconceptions of drug use
When I was about 13 my mum found a lighter in my trousers while doing the laundry. She confronted me about it, and I decided to be honest and tell her that I smoked. She refused to believe me and developed an instant paranoia that I was abusing solvents. When I tried to explain to her that you cant get high off a lighter, you need a whole can of gas, this just convinced her that of course I wouldnt know this if I wasnt tooting gas every day....

For the next two years I wasnt allowed any money unless I told my parents what it was for and provided receipts afterwards. I had to quit my paper round cause theyd convinced the shop owner to give my pay to them.

This went on until one day my ultra paranoid mum followed me on my way to school and caught me lighting a fag.

"I didnt know you smoked" she exclaimed. "Im very disappointed in you". Id been trying to tell them this for years....

The irony is that I started tooting gas shortly after that experience and she had no idea.

*Safety warning: dont toot gas. Its bad.
(Sat 10th Mar 2007, 11:46, More)