b3ta.com user nyorsk
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» Barred

barred from my mates' house
My mate at school had a sister a couple of years above us. She was always nice to me at school, gave me a wave in the corridoor and that. The only thing was, she had a massive nose, which of course you always kept quiet about to her face.

So one day I was talking to my mate on MSN one night. The conversation inevitably turned into a downward spiral of shit and went on to what he was eating, which was at the time peas made by his sister. Looking for a juvenile comment to make, I asked if she had made the peas 'up her massive fucking nose'. This was followed by a legnthy text silence, broken by him saying, 'You've made her cry, she was just here.' I didnt really give a fuck to be honest but her mother did, quickly saying that I was not welcome in her house ever, even though I'd never been there before. Needless to say, his sister does not wave at me in the coridoor any more.
(Mon 4th Sep 2006, 12:57, More)

» Barred

cricket, anyone?
Me and my mates all used to go to the local cricket club to play a bit of footy after hours, had a lovely pitch.

Well, one night we went in played and were a bit thirsty so I, as the cleverest one, went to the tap embedded in the middle of the pitch and turned it on. Five minutes later, everyone's had a drink and is ready to go home so I turn the tap thinking im turning it off. Only, you cant really tell because its dark and the hole that the tap is in is flooded. So I leave and think nothing of it.

Next morning, one of my mates at the door, telling me that the pitch is flooded and that a whole weeks worth of fixtures had to be cancelled because of my idiocy and that the cricket blokes are after me for ruining their pitch. They also, apparently wanted money for the pumping of the pitch from me. Fuck, I thought, and decided not to return to the club for a long while.

Cricket season comes and me and my mates head off to the club for the youth team training. I dont even get down the steps to the pitch before I'm chased out and told not to come back again. Knackers.
(Mon 4th Sep 2006, 11:19, More)

» Shoplifting

Theiving Doncaster Bastards
My own story doesn't concern me stealing, but I did act as an accomplice...score!

The school I went to was part of a much larger educational foundation which, at the time, ran 3 schools across the country, one in Gateshead, one in Middlesbrough, and one in Doncaster. The Foundation's head decided it would be a good idea for all of us boys to go on a collective rugby tour taking players from each of the three schools - great idea, we thought.

So there we are, whisked away for a week of fun and rugby games up in Scotland. In between games, it quickly became clear that we had nothing to do, so the teachers decided that there was no better idea than to set us free on the streets of Edinburgh.

Off we went, I was friendly with one of the Doncaster boys, and so we walked around and looked in the shops for a while. It came to the point that he was really bored and decided that we should go into a characteristically Scottish shop and take the piss, so we did. Upon getting no reaction from the shopkeeper we walked out, only to find some tartan hats (attached to an accompanying ginger wig) hanging above the door. My new friend tried one on, gave a twirl and walked out...with it on.

I walked out of the shop to find him sprinting down the street, so me, as a 15 year old alone in a city I didn't know, did the same, absolutely shitting myself. He stopped around a corner and assured me that it was just a joke and not to tell anybody.

We walked back to meet the teachers, when one of them commented on my friend's new hat. 'Oh fuck', I thought, 'they saw, and I'm an accomplice!' To which my friend said 'Oh yeah, sir, nice isn't it? Didn't cost much either, did it nyorsk?'

So there I was shitting myself, whilst he rubbed his shoplifting into the unknowing teacher's face.

As it happened, this wasn't the only example of the Doncaster boys being a bunch of unruly bastards, us Gateshead lads were angels compared to them. I never spoke to him again after, either.

Legnth? You bloody love it.
(Thu 10th Jan 2008, 12:20, More)

» Old People Talk Bollocks

me nan
me nan makes a point of calling the instructions for any item the 'indestructables'. Shes got a point though, i try to rip them up when assembling something from ikea - they could be fuckin' laminated!
(Thu 11th Mar 2004, 17:59, More)