b3ta.com user spiff
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Birds eye potato waffles,so waffely versatile.

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» My sex misconceptions

Male lesbian!!

I was ten years old and dicovered my cock wasn't just for pissing out of.
Cue FRANTIC wanking that nearly put me in a coma.

Anyway, a few weeks later I overhear a group of 'bigger boys' talking.
These individuals where mature- almost fully grown men.
They must have been all of 12.
One 'bigger boy' said "Well,yeah - if you wank yourself off it means you're gay. Scientific fact that is. Baz told me and he's like 14."

My reaction? - Holy fucking fuck!! I'm GAY!!

But i went over the situation in my 10 year old brain and came up with the following logic.

Fact 1. - I enjoy wanking.
Fact 2. - If you wank, you're gay. (Bigger boys said it so it HAD to be true)
Fact 3. - When wanking i was thinking about girls.
Fact 4. - Gay people who are attracted to women are called lesbians.

Conclusion - I'M A LESBIAN!!!!!


Seriously, for 2 YEARS i really thought i was a lesbian. When lads made jokes about lesbians i used to get all paranoid and think "Shit!!They KNOW!!"

Funny now. But at the time it was a BIG DEAL.

I'm nearly 40 now and strangely enough i have ended up having sex with a few lesbians.
And no, i don't mean bisexuals. I mean i was the first man they ever slept with.

SHIT!! Maybe the 'bigger boys' where right after all!!

I must just have the world's biggest clitoris and descended ovaries.

It's no wonder i'm on medication.
(Fri 26th Sep 2008, 20:53, More)

» Pure Ignorance

A friend once asked me "What's the opposite of a cheese grater?" and i overheard this conversation on a bus between two old ladies....

"it's bloody cold today,isn't it?"
"it is. especially for a tuesday."

(Sat 8th Jan 2005, 9:00, More)

» Famous people I hate

Russel "CUNT" Brand
I really don't know why i hate him so much.But hate him i do. The cunt.
(Thu 4th Feb 2010, 12:30, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

How do you know when your sister is on her period?
your grandad's cock tastes funny.
(Wed 7th Dec 2005, 10:17, More)