b3ta.com user Dave_of_the_Dead
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» Now, there was no need for that...

On a skiing holiday with a mate
He fell ill on the last day and was taken to hospital in a flashing ambulance. Upon being admitted a large nurse with a 'tasche proceeded into his room and stuck her finger up his arse.

She pulled the finger out and sniffed it. There was really no need.

(Apparently it's to check for internal bleeding, so, there was a need, but I think he really would have rather died.)
(Thu 16th Jun 2005, 11:33, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

Hopefully this isn't a repeat...
... as it's very very old but:-

What's better than Winning gold in the Para-Olympics?

Being able to walk....
(Fri 10th Sep 2004, 14:42, More)

» Crappy Prizes

Oh yeah and...
... my Nan, bless her, went up to Blackpool a few years back (abotu 10 years, actually) on the biddy bus and entered my name into a free prize draw.

You can imagine my reaction, as a 16 year old, to open up a large package to find Calvin the Camel looking at me.
(Thu 4th Aug 2005, 13:24, More)

» Crappy Prizes

last week at work...
... we had a fete and there was a tomboloa Stand and it looked quite attractive, lots of bottels of wine, DVD's etc.

So I was dissapointed with my win of 10 Ladies Handkerchiefs. They weren't even nice one's, they were the sort you'd get on a 3 for 2 offer at the pound shop.
(Thu 4th Aug 2005, 13:19, More)

» Shoddy Presents

Notoriously bad at buying presents...
... my aunt's piss poorness was compounded by the fact that my cousin, who is one year younger, had his birthday a little over a week earlier. Every year, I would go with my Mum to help buy a kick ass present and each year I would chose sometyhing that was truly awesome and in return I would get something that was proper gash.

However, one year, that I remember distinctly well, I went shopping and bought my cousin a table top pool set, it was reduced from like £70 to £35 but having spent a lot of time playing on it before giving it to him can assure you that it was awesome.

So, imagine my disgruntlment one week later when, on my Birthday, I opened up the reciprical present to find a pair of those Tote socks with the grip on the bottom.

I know this sounds highly ungrateful and to be quite frank, I am. but at what point did she think that a 15 year old lad would appreciate a pair of socks that you can't even wear with shoes?
(Fri 24th Sep 2004, 11:31, More)
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