» Crappy Prizes

Syndrome Attack
I spent hours, at the tender age of seven, drawing myself a Pirate/sand/treasure chest/parrot/ship/cannon/sword/fish montage for an art competition. And to my delight, my artistic flair was noticed by the judges and was awarded second place. Not fitting with this topic, the prize was actually quite good. I received a goody bag containing vouchers, a playstation game and some doodads. But then shock horror, I was forced by my mother to give it away to a sufferor of Down's syndrome, who was sat dejected in a corner. Naturally it didn't even grasp the concept of vouchers and was mildly confused by Rayman. Surely such a grand gesture should cement me a place in heaven. It was a crap prize because in the end it was a prize wasted.
(Wed 10th Aug 2005, 19:33, More)

» Teenage Parties

Couple of Weeks back
I had myself my own little teenage party, equipped with Drink and all that teenage lark. I'm quite insecure about my popularity, and had nightmares that only this disabled kid (who once floored me, by punching me in my Mod target) would turn up. In an effort to get my party "bangin", i invited tooons of people, with hilarious consequences. I had 12 bottles of wine stolen from various hiding places(£120-as if my 160 bottles worth weren't enough), people broke my drums (the faggots), people had full on sex in my bathtub and bed (corrupting the mind of the many innocents), I had the yoboratti enter in their masses, pretending that they knew me, I had the slageratti doing lines of coke off my toilet, broken sofas etc, replacement my Electro/prog music with Kanye West, I had the neighbours call security 6 times, someone vomitted nuts all over my bathroom walls, and then someone vomitted a steamy mess on my porch, which froze overnight. I left my party with some friend. I didn't come back till it was all over.
(Sun 16th Apr 2006, 13:22, More)

» My computer gave away my secrets

Columbine
Amongst the weird ideas my friend glen/edlismage and I came up with (including filling our school with Industrial Lemon Jelly, which sadly fell through on realising we wouldn't be able to sustain a temperature of 3C and have enough time for it to set)was an idea to "Columbine" the school (as a joke-obviously). We were so adamant to get the job done before we left school, that we typed into google during our ICT Lesson "Site where I can buy a Kalashnikov so that I can massacre my classmates". Slightly unorthodox in a situation which requires alot of care and detailed planning. Anyway, our balding ICT teacher didn't seem all too happy when he spotted out searchings on the school server. Cue menacing looks, Hostility, wearyness and "therapy" like sessions (well for me anyway) On another note, I was also done for www.queen.com when i was 8 (by the school again) because i thought it was a wrestling website. I nearly got expelled. Oh dear.
(Sun 12th Feb 2006, 22:54, More)

» Scars with history

Scissor Scars
Once, my sister acquired a 'Toy Story' flag from McDonalds, but due to her intense distaste for Buzz-lightyear, decided to cut him out, with a moleste pair of Kitchen Scissors...whilst sitting on a swivel chair. Anyway, I gave it quite the push, the scissors slipped and actually lodged themself in her cheek (yeah,they had to be specially removed). As you can imagine, I got quite the tell off, from basically all my relatives, and in my infinite wisdom, thought that tidying my room would sort this whole mess right out.
(Sun 6th Feb 2005, 11:40, More)

» Local Nutters

Madrid nuts
when I was hlidaying, I found this really smelly old man who used to hand around with the prostitutes next to McDonalds. Anyhow,he had no trousers on and in their place he had stapled a piece of cloth over his nads, so whenever he needed to piss he just could lift it up and pee in the outside eating place at mcdonalds. Oh and whenever he saw a motorised street cleaner-mobile he used to shout verbal abuse at the operator and throw large items like those flappy bins infront of it so that it couldn't sweep up...
(Thu 16th Sep 2004, 19:20, More)