b3ta.com user SpangleDangle
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Arrogant, self-opinionated, over-inflated sense of self-worth, egotistical, abrasive. That's me.

I'd try to improve, but I doubt it's possible.

Recent front page messages:


Best answers to questions:

» Ripped Off

I keep paying all this money to this group of geezers. I have no choice really, they'll do pretty horrible things to me if I don't. You could say that it's demanding money with menaces, and this lot have big menaces let me tell you.

I am told that the money they are taking is for my own good, that they'll see it all gets to the right right people and that, by forking over to them, I am helping the community at large (not that I can see jack shit of a difference).

And who are these people? The Government, namely Labour. The cunts. 30%+ if my wage goes to funding illegal wars, torture, white elephants like the Olympics, back-handers to the private sector, bribes to foreign leaders, vast sums to feckless wasters who can't be fucked to get a job, the EU, PFI/PPP and Christ knows what else the twats are getting away with.

THAT my friends, is a rip off.
(Thu 15th Feb 2007, 20:06, More)

» Water, boats and all that floats

Where does that rope go?
So there I am, on a nice little run down to the final marker at the end of a race when I capsized. Bugger, arse, shit. So have a quick glance at the ropes before righting, just to make sure nothing is tangled. "Red and white, main; fine. Yellow, vang; fine. Black and yellow...black and yellow? Which one is black and...Holy bejeebussweetmotheroffuck"

I do a rather good impression of a submarine launched ballistic missile as I exit the water vertically and cling for dear life to the top of the boat, as far aware from that bastard as possible.

Outside of breeding season I know they're fairly docile; but finding a sea snake next to you is never much fun.
(Fri 2nd Nov 2012, 14:24, More)

» Political Correctness Gone Mad

We are banned from useing the word...
..."abort". As in to "Abort the transaction" or "Abort the install".

Apparently "abort" is offensive to Americans as it reminds them of "abortion".

(Fri 23rd Nov 2007, 16:17, More)

» B3TA fixes the world

Road safety
All cars to have air bags removed and replaced with frag grenades. On any impact, driver (and any the occupants) will be killed instantly. Also tied into traffics lights, drive through on red - die.

Motorcycles to have a spike driven by an explosive charge beneath the seat, similar reason to the above. Although, in all honesty, the street furniture tends to take the bikers out already.

Red lights to have chain-guns and an AI. If any lycra-lout cycles through on red they are simply erased.

All pedestrians have to wear a crash helmet with an explosive charge. Failure to cross at a designated crossing when one is within 100m; insta-death.

Schools to be patrolled by armed guards. Should any parent their little darlings off right at the gate (rather than finding a safe place to park and walking a measly 500m or so) then they are to be dragged out of the car, nailed to the school wall can have their bowels cut open. Their lingering and painful death will act as a deterrent to others.

My prediction is that for the first year or so our toll of road deaths will spike to 10million or so. After that our roads will be totally safe and we will have solved the UK housing shortages, over-population and lowered our carbon foot-print.
(Mon 26th Sep 2011, 11:14, More)

» Mugged

Not my story, but friends'
Many years ago we had a little tradition in our club. After the Saturday class we'd all troop off to the pub and either get mashed there or wander further off for a meal.

This was going to be a meal and after a few beers and couple of the guys decided to dump their stuff before joining us for the meal. So off they troop across the park (a shortcut).

This must have been about 1800 in the Autumn. Not day time, but certainly not dark. Unfortunately they were accosted by 12 blokes who probably assumed they pair were shirt-lifters (this was a few years ago and the park was rife for cottaging and gay-bashing).

Unfortunately for the 12 blokes concerned (and one in particular) the pair weren't out cottaging; they were on their way to dump their kit in a flat.

Said kit being a variety of heavy wooden training weapons and the pair being dans grades in a few arts.

The 12 encircled the pair and the more experienced of the two realised that things weren't going to be pleasant, so decided to fight rather than try to flee. The first one of the 12 to get close had his face stoved in for his troubles with some stout oak and, facing two rather angry (armed) men, with one of their compatriots face down in the dirt screaming in pain; the rest legged it.

Morals of the story:
- Crime does not pay.
- People carrying fishing bags are not alway fishermen.
(Thu 15th Jun 2006, 17:33, More)
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