Number 3: Hide!


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Pete and Pencil Pete
I hate Windows
Edit: Coo! FP... *blush* - thanks MD
(Fri 13th Aug 2004, 10:56, More)

» Best Comebacks

Front row of a comedy gig
Compere is struggling a little bit, telling us his history and says, "Did any of you see me when I performed as Mr Angry?".

Quick as a first fuck, my mate shouts back, "No, but I think I bought an ice-cream off you when you were Mr. Whippy."

Biggest laugh of the night.
(Fri 30th Apr 2004, 0:49, More)

» Fire!

The joys of butane refills
Ah, University days (and indeed "daze"). Amongst the many things discovered was the fun to be had with a can of pressurised butane.

Take a mouthful, and blow it out over a lit lighter for that great flamethrower effect - impress the ladies.

Or - even more fun - put the cap upside down onto your jeans, and spray through one of the adaptors in the lid. The result - a large patch of butane that burns very impressively without damaging you legs (too much).

Extend that - dab spray all down your leg for a flaming leg effect (but tuck your jeans in or it runs back up INSIDE the cloth and burns all your leg (and bollock) hairs off.

But the coup-de-grace was when SEVEN of us sat in a row at a rather boring party, all discreetly covered our jeans in butane and then the one on the end (me) sparked up. The joy of seeing the flame whoosh down the row of giggling drunkards was only bettered by the screams of the other guests who thought their number was up.

Ah, happy days indeed.
(Thu 3rd Nov 2005, 18:23, More)

» DIY Techno-hacks

Best mirror ever
Took the rear projection mirror out of the back of a 61" RP TV... it's made of foil and as light as a kitten, but a REALLY good mirror.

It's also fun to take off the wall and yell "CATCH!" just before throwing at someone. Although then you need to invent something that's good for taking the pooh stains off sofas.
(Thu 20th Aug 2009, 12:59, More)

» Weird Traditions

I blame Robert Rankin
Whenever ANYTHING gets done more than once, someone (usually me) in my immediate circle of friends will say "It's a tradition, or an old charter, or something"... one of MANY long-running running-gag from the books of Brentford's finest.

I get hit a lot for it too... it's a tradition, or an old charter, or something.
(Tue 2nd Aug 2005, 11:43, More)

» I hurt my rude bits

Raleigh Chopper's ARE dangerous
I'm old enough to have enjoyed the pedalled Easy Rider first time round, when the gearstick was still a natty stick-shift mounted on the crossbar.

A day previous, a mate of mine had borrowed my Chopper (f'narr) and crashed it into a tree, bending the front fork. Me n dad had to take it to bits and stomp on the bent bit to fix it.

Cycling back from the park next day, I discovered we hadn't tightened the handle bars up properly, cos they suddenly came loose and I lost steering control.

I hit a HUGE kerbstone about the height of the (tiddly) front wheel, so the bike stopped dead. Normally in that instance you hold onto the handle bars... but they were loose, 'member.

So I catapulted straight forwards at lots of speed, and used a patented testicle / gearstick interface to impede my forward motion.

It fuckin' hurt. Lots.

No apologies for length... I'm quite glad to still have some.
(Mon 17th Jul 2006, 0:15, More)