b3ta.com user Monsieur Allotrope
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Old and in foreign lands.

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» Airport Stories

EasyJet Eejit Club
It seems to me that with the rise in low-cost flights, the average IQ of passengers has dropped correspondingly.

On one flight (it didn't help that it was from Gatwick, charter flight and Chav central), queueing up in front of the big orange EasyJet sign with Mrs. Allotrope, the chap at the desk is asked "Any hand luggage?"

Whereupon he lifts up the industrial-strength mountain bike that was over to one side and hopefully proffers it.

Delay, confusion, upset. 15 minutes later the couple in front of us get the same question: "Any hand luggage?"

They lift up the baby carrier, containing a baby, and plonk it on the desk.

Delay, confusion, upset (again) for about 15 minutes.

On a different flight (and yes, I should have learnt by now) with the same airline, we're queueing up behind an old couple. They're asked whether there's anything potentially hazardous in the luggage.

"Oh yes!" says the elderly lass eagerly. "We bought a couple of cap-guns for our grandchildren as you can't get them in the UK anymore!"

Delay, confusion, you know the score.

In conclusion, even if the seats are cheap, I'll try to fly with virtually anyone else as I've got the fear that one of the EasyJet passengers will try to open the door mid-flight (or similar).
(Sun 5th Mar 2006, 15:05, More)

» Stupid Tourists

In Vevey, in the French-speaking part of Switzerland...
I once overheard an American tourist yelling "My, how cute! Even the children here speak French!"

(Fri 8th Jul 2005, 9:28, More)

» Nativity Plays

The narrator. For bloody years. No chance of a BAFTA now.
(Thu 26th Mar 2009, 18:18, More)

» Embarrassing Injuries

Deep Heat cures all
A friend had seen someone he knew on the bus and decided to do an impression - jumping up and down on the couch and making mong noises. It was when he stopped the mong noises and started howling with pain that we realised something was wrong. His dad offered up some Deep Heat but eventually gave in and got him to hospital where they popped the dislocated shoulder back in...
(Mon 6th Sep 2004, 15:30, More)

» Useless Information

The Hokey Cokey...
Was originally a Puritan piss-take on the Catholic mass. "You do the hokey cokey and you turn about" was the interpretation of the Latin blessing of the host ("hoc est meum corpum") and its presentation to the congregation.

It also gave us "hocus pocus".
(Sat 19th Mar 2005, 8:54, More)
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