b3ta.com user fried gold
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Best answers to questions:

» Heckles

Pirates Vs The Force
Genius this one. We were sat in the cinema waiting for Revenge of the Sith to start up - the place was packed.

The standard warning boomed out of the speakers

"Piracy is a crime"

And a lone pirate voice cried out


The whole cinema erupts into laughter.
(Fri 7th Apr 2006, 11:31, More)

» Ignoring Instructions

I am male, and therefore am genetically designed to ignore all instructions.
(Thu 4th May 2006, 17:23, More)

» Never Meet Your Heroes

Dave Grohl in 'not nicest man in rock' shocker
Everyone loves Grohl don't they? With his cheeky face and reputation as 'the nicest man in rock' etc etc

A mate of mine was with a couple of friends and went to see Nirvana in Glasgow. They were having some beers and playing some pool before the gig when 'Wee Davey' spotted the band playing pool a few tables away. Being a massive fan, he walked over, utterly star struck, to speak to them

He asked Dave Grohl if he could get an autograph. Grohl rolled his eyes, grabbed a bit of paper and quickly scribbled something down, then thrust it into Davey's hands and turned his back on him

The guy walked back to his mates, overwhelmed with excitement. "So what did he write, Davey?"

He opened the bit of paper, and Dave Grohl had written "The reason I'm in this band is so I don't end up being a loser like you. Dave Grohl"

Hmmm, must have been having an off day then
(Tue 30th May 2006, 16:19, More)

» Embarrassing Injuries

The skinheads of the insect world......
People still laugh at me even now when I tell this one...

I've always had a pure hatred/fear of wasps. Evil little fuckers that won't leave you alone. One day a few years ago, I was getting ready to go and do an afternoon shift in the pub, when I spotted one on the window in the lounge. Plucking up my deepest reserves of courage, I picked up a newspaper, and instead of rolling it up and twatting said fucker (I was scared of missing), I slapped the newspaper flat on the window with my hand. Ended up smashing my hand through the window, severing an artery, and spraying blood all over the flat, plus the stairwell, plus the front door. It was like a horror movie.

Lying in casualty while doctors frantically tried to stop me from bleeding to death, someone asked me what happened. I swear the fuckers all stifled a laugh.
(Thu 2nd Sep 2004, 17:04, More)

» Crap meals out

Underpants curry
A curry house in Bristol that was well liked by students and locals alike got into the local papers. Can't remember the name of the place, this was about 13 years ago.

The health and safety inspectors did a suprise visit to their kitchens. And found a foreign object in the plastic bin they stored vegetables in. It was a pair of Y Fronts. A 'soiled' pair of Y Fronts.

Mmm, poo-ey vegetables.
(Fri 28th Apr 2006, 15:19, More)
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