b3ta.com user The Mock Turtle
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I think this sums things up brilliantly:

Instead of self pity, how about pitiful selves? Internet trolls for example... it always brings a smile to my face to picture recidivist trolls in their twilight years reflecting on the sound time-investment they made by hanging about b3ta and similar places, day after day, week after week, year after year, pointing out the shortcomings of everyone else, perceived or otherwise. You've changed lives kids, really. Good work. First world problems of the highest order. Jog on.
Respect to: enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers


I'm just like Bart!
I'm Bart, who are you? by NoHomers.net

The Mock Turtle

Orf with their heads.

I am nerdier than 73% of all people. Are you a nerd? Click here to take the Nerd Test, get geeky images and jokes, and talk on the nerd forum!

What Is Your Battle Cry?

Hark! Who is that, prowling through the cliffs! It is The Mock Turtle, hands clutching buzzsaw hand extensions! And with a booming grunt, his voice cometh:

"I'm going to hump you for such a long time, you'll reincarnate as an X-file!!"

Find out!
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created by beatings : powered by monkeys

Recent front page messages:


Best answers to questions:

» Filth!

My friend
Joanne walked into her local dry cleaning store and told the guy at the counter, "I've got another dress for you to clean."

Slightly hard of hearing, the guy replied, "Come again?"

"No," said Joanne. "Mustard."
(Thu 2nd Feb 2012, 13:28, More)

» Money-saving tips

Instead of building wells, build Pizza Huts. Then the kids can eat for free.
(Thu 17th Nov 2011, 11:41, More)

» Money-saving tips

Save money when robbing a bank. Tenuous.
1# find a cheap clown wig from pound shop.
2# put on some cheap make up and only wear a thong and home made nipple tassels. (Saves on clothes)
3# Steal a goat and a can of fluorescent paint
4# Steal a van and use old newspapers (Mashed) to make it look like a giant cock.

The plan:

Carry the goat in one arm and while in the bank fuck the goat and throw the paint over the walls, all the time ripping up pages of a phonebook and swearing your head off.
After getting the money take a shit on the floor and piss everywhere. Then escape in the van shaped like a giant cock.

You save money on your robbery and I would like to see fucking Crimewatch stage a reconstruction of that.
(Wed 16th Nov 2011, 13:07, More)

» Tactless

At my mother-in-law's funeral
my wife called me 'tactless'. Well, I think she did...

I couldn't hear properly over my iPod.
(Fri 4th Nov 2011, 0:01, More)

» Bedroom Disasters

Meh 2
One night. Things were getting hot and I decided to sweep the covers off the bed and throw the Lady down for a rogering by the sneaky butcher.

It did not quite work out that way. Her cat was in the covers jumps up and claws my cock . I start swearing and yelling and bleeding. Her dog must have thought I was attacking her so the mangy fucker bites me on the thigh.

The Lady is hysterically laughing at my plight so i run out of the house get into my car and drive to A & E, while there they call the rozzers because they think I was trying to perform bestiality.

I told the rozzers my story. One of them just started laughing the other one was just like "Be more careful with your genitalia sir."

Worse night of my life.

Still not sure how that cat got it in one hit though. My dick is so small I need a pair of tweezers to jerk off.
(Thu 23rd Jun 2011, 18:55, More)
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