b3ta.com user JackB
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» Stupid Tourists

My parents. The Seventies. The USA.
In a cab:
Driver: 'Where you from?'
Them 'England.'
'Never heard of it.'
'You know... England? Um... London? The Beatles? the Rolling Stones?'
'Sorry, I don't speak your language.'
(Wed 13th Jul 2005, 18:44, More)

» Stupid Tourists

The Sherlock Holmes Museum in London
An amazingly tacky place full of Victorian tat and, inexplicibly, drawers full of antiquated underwear. Standing outside, I see a party of Japanese tourists. One middle aged chap comes out to join his gang, wearing the deerstalker and chewing the pipe he just found in the giftshop and, in his excitement, forgot to pay for. The twit at the door dressed as a 1870 Constable loses his cool, grabs him, and starts roughhousing the gear off the poor fool. Meanwhile, his friends and family are having the time of their lives, each one filming the increasingly violent fun through a multitude of high tech gadgets. Best. Day. Out. Ever.
(Wed 13th Jul 2005, 18:48, More)

» Toilets

The Right Priorities
Overheard: Gatwick airport, 5.00AM, Men's toilets.

Man1 (to mate in cubicle) 'C'mon Andy!'
Man2 (in a voice that conveys the boundless, if strained, patience of an old friendship)
'Barry, I'm on the toilet.'
'Well squeeze it out!'
'No! It'll sting!'

Cue the twat in the next cubucle (yours truly) trying not to laugh his nads off. It made the holiday! :P
(Wed 7th Sep 2005, 11:02, More)

» Heckles

The latest Star Wars trainwreck (spoilers)
The end of the film, as the baby that you know is Obi Wan is born... The tension builds as the child is lifted into a melodramatic pose against a sunset. The cinema is silent; it's one of the few engaging scenes. The lighting makes the wet Obi Wan look very dark, so the breath-holding filmhall suddenly resounds to the over-loud voice of a mate of mine:
"Holy shit! Obi Wan's black!"
How we laughed...
(Sun 9th Apr 2006, 14:15, More)