» Best Graffiti Ever

On the wall above a urinal.
"Have you ever tried stop pissing mid-stream... Hurts doesn't it?"

I feel such a fool for falling for it.

cheers.
(Thu 3rd May 2007, 17:51, More)

» Crap meals out

only a few
i am a keen cook in my family, and, when my sister has spaghetti bolognese,
made by me, i get really offended when she has tomato kechup on the bolognese
it's like she is shitting on me food!!! and i work hard to make that.


aaaaaanyhoooooowwww i went on
a german exchange this year, my exchange partner was possibly the least
amusing german. EVER. but that's another story. His mother cooked spaghetti
bolognese one night. and his
annoying little brother seems
to hate everything that may be vaguely healthy for him, no garlic, no onion,
no red peppers, no fucking dolmio, no, his mother IN-FUCKING-SISTED on
having FUCKING TOMATO FUCKING KECHUP instead - yeesh that was possibly the
worst meal i have ever had*


next we have a general macdonalds moan - because macdonals is in fact the worst 'restaurant' ** that ever existed - basically, when i eat slower, i really did find hard bits in me burgers - true story.

next we have a testosterone-fuelled story - basically me and my friends are always really horny, and we start using really FUCKING annoying metaphors like so (i am not in this dialouge)

horny teenager one:we went window shopping today
HT#2: really, how?
HT#1:we went window shopping for girls
HT#2: why didn't we go shopping for real?

fuck me that annoys me.

anyway, that is just a little bit of background/rant for you. we met some girls on the rye (in High Wycombe, if anyone knows it) who happened to be the same age as us... what a co-incidence, anyway, we, being the horny teenagers we in fact are, got a little bit hungry. so we went to Macdonalds - it being cheap... outlook is bleak. anyway, Macdonalds being Macdonalds, 4 people out of a group of 10 cannot have a meal with the rest of their group joining them without the manager telling them to fuck off, so we go outside and just wait there, in the alley beside Macdonalds so i decide to go back in, and before the manager can get a word off at me i shout at him:

"I'M FUCKING BUYING"

so i go and order 2 of the cheapest things on the menu because my friends was hungry too - a hamburger, my friends are getting slightly bored cue them shining a laser into the managers' eyes - they take a fucking age to serve me and during that time the manager comes up to me and says:

"If you don't tell you mate to put that laser pen away, i'll shove it up his arse" - i could only laugh - so everyone's gone and i'm the only one - which is a little gay.

no apologies for length - you know you love it really - yeah bitch, take that length


*i seceretly enjoyed it, but it really was shit.
** it should be calle a chain of shitholes.










FUCK!!!!
(Mon 1st May 2006, 9:32, More)

» My Worst Vomit

weeeeeel,
ive only had a shit vomit but @ primary school i was doin "show an tell" on a dead mouse my dad gave me, i smelled it and violently vomited over the whole of the front 2 rows!!
(Wed 25th Aug 2004, 18:38, More)

» School Trips

weeeel
in march/april time this year, me and my german comrades went to germany.

Here i have a (brief) description of my stay with 'Jan' (pronounced yarn, if your're posh and english and i'm not american by the way, god, who could say 'ass' instead of arse - gimme an arse any day)ANYWAY i digress i went on that trip. it. was. shit. in a whole new level of shit, about 4 metres. ANYWAY i digress. i went on this exchange, so he came here in chilly november (the fireworks night last year) and he is either a large RAT or a small human who is a RAT. But either way he was a COMPLETE GEEK - his favourite past-time? guild wars. his best weekend activity for his exchange partner (who he is trying to entertain, in theory)? going to see some pagan rocks in the middle of funck-knows-where and then walking up a mountain and going to an adventure park in the POURING RAIN!! although, being from britain i should be ok with it. But what of the sunday? i hear you cry!!! well, lets just go to the local Bird sanctuary, and spend a half-hour there, that won't piss ameoba off will it? And to top it all off he preffered to go home on the quick bus, rather than the bus with the pretty girl on which took a bit longer, i'm too damn english - i said he could decide.

But i finally got my revenge...

The final day of the trip - we leave at 7:30 AM the next day, we're in bremen, it's drizzly, we get shown by the 'big year 10's' where the best shops are, we get a good 4 hours o free time in most of the cities we go to, and here, i ended up spending a good 60 euros, about 10 of which were spent on those super-strong magnets that you get from those cool shops, the ones you can dangle from your hand 'cos they're so strong. so i have at least 6 of these magnets. and i think

'hmmn, what can i do to this little motherfudger that isn't fatal, 'cos i'm never going to have to see him again, and i just don't reply to his e-mails. Hmmmn, what is his obsession? Guild Wars? hmmn, do magnets mix with hard-drives? so that evening, when we were having our usual evening ritual of a family diner then the dreaded question "you wanna play P.C.?"i keep a magnet or two in my pocket and get ready for when it's my go and he gets called up by his mother for her to have a scream at him about something i sneak the two magnets out of my pocket and hold them against the case of the P.C. the screen just stops there and then, with me in mid battle with some sort of scorpion - i have a picture on my phone cos it was a victorious moment in my life. And as far as i know, they don't know how it happened.

i'm going again this year, and i have a geek, again, and this doesn't reflect my personality, we were only put together because we both play table tennis. Also, this year, he is worse - he plays magic the gathering and WoW, but the good news is my (hopefully) girlfriend is going to go with me and my school to germany, hmmn, 10 hour coach journey..... what would we get up to there?

well this has taken me far too long

so i will apologose for length - even for a 14 y/o and girth is still off-the wall.
(Mon 11th Dec 2006, 20:04, More)

» Teenage Parties

all my parties are really sad - i have very few friends
but, a really annoying guy told me this, so here goes:

a really rich girlhad a 'house disco' with 20 people, catered for them. so, along comes the big day, a saturday, the people start to turn up, no only 20, but 80 fucking drunk (& horny) teenage boys and girls, bringing more drink etc. now, a few people were physically stopped buy her security Guards and gates etc the police turned up, she had her house wrecked,stuff stolen, people were just fucking around. people got hurt and bailed when the police came.

also another guy had his party on a friday, now, this is one of the poshest people in the school, rich going to have a quaint little sensile partyat his house, but 50 girls ended up turning up, so he had to cancel



he blatantly has a butler though
(Fri 14th Apr 2006, 8:53, More)